Opportunity KnocksBy Luckymama

Uno

The club went dark one more time as the last, youngest comedian finally took the stage, just after midnight. He was tall for his age, his build that of an occasional football player and dancer, with skin a light bronze hue which spoke of his mixed heritage. His perfectly-groomed hair was full and dark, and he ran his right hand over the back of it as he grabbed the mic with his left. Huge black eyes scanned the packed house, shining in the spotlight with a mixture of nerves and anticipation. Above the upper of his femininely full lips there was the hint of a mustache that curved as his smile lit up the room. "Good evening everyone! Loooking Gooood!," he began his routine in a markedly Hispanic accent, as he had done on dozens of nights before. After a ten minute set of several old jokes and a few new ones--his laughter at his own cleverness infectious--he left the stage to the applause of the patrons of the comedy club. It had been a good night--he felt it in his gut and smiled with self-satisfaction.

As he made his way back to the tiny dressing room he shared with a handful of would-be comedians, his friend Nat called to him from the darkness. "Fred, my man, shes here again tonight."

"Really? You arent putting me on?" Freddie looked at his friend as he went past him into the dressing room, wondering if Nat was pulling his leg as he so often did.

"For real, man. Would I lie to you? You need to go out and see what she wants. She has been here every night for the past month. She always arrives just before midnight, then gets up and leaves as soon as you have done your set--so I know she is coming here to see you in action. I bet she has it bad for you! She is a fine fox." Nat winked and gave a low wolf whistle.

Freddie shook his head at Nat. "Is all you think about?"

"Like you dont? Are you forgetting who you are talking to? Man, I have seen your moves too many times-I know what is on your mind. I can read you like a book, my man."

"Whatever you say." Freddie thought for a minute and then added, "I would like to know why she is here every night, though. I wonder if she has left yet?"

"Well you arent going to find out hanging around back here." Nat gave Freddie a push toward the door. "Go on and see what she wants."

"Ok, ok, no need to be pushy!" Freddie gave his friend a friendly punch in the arm and headed back into the club. Looking through the curtain that separated the backstage hallway from the club, he peered through the still-glaring spotlights to see if she was sitting in her usual seat, a table near the back of the room. Yes, Im in luckat least maybe, he thought.

Freddie screwed up his courage and strutted with mock confidence out toward her table. Even though he was outgoing when onstage, meeting a new person--especially a girl--wasnt as easy for him as he let on to others. He thought of a thousand opening lines as he strode in her direction, but by the time he got to the table, all he could say was, "Hi."

The woman looked slowly up at him. She was an average sort, with medium length straight honey blond hair parted neatly in the middle. Her complexion was fair with her facial features in proportion to the rest of her face. Except for her eyes, Freddie noted with the first glimmer of interest. They were enormous, brown like his, and with a lot of expression in them. Right now they looked somewhat puzzled and even a bit embarrassed at his stare. "Hello yourself."

Freddie stuck his hand out to her. "My name is Freddie Pruetzel."

"I know, I have heard you introduced on stage." She wasnt making this easy for him.

"Oh, yeah...um, right," Freddie stuttered with an embarrassed laugh. "I guess you are wondering why I came to your table."

"Not really," she answered with a voice obviously struggling to sound nonchalant. "I suppose you have seen me here before."

"Well yes, I have been wondering about you. I see you here every night, coming in around midnight and leaving after my set. Why?"

It looked to Freddie as if her confidence was starting to fade. Fumbling for the right words, she finally said, "You have a lot of talent. You make me laugh and forget my problems."

Freddie felt comfortable enough now to sit down across from her at the small table. "What problems could a pretty lady like you have?" Charm had always been his crutch in awkward situations, and he fell naturally into it now.

"Well before you analyze me, dont you think I should introduce myself?"

Freddie nervously laughed again. "She sure has a way of disarming me," he thought to himself. "Uh, sure, that would be good."

"My name is Anna dAngelo, and I am looking for my place in this world."

Freddie extended his hand to her once again. "Nice to meet you, Anna. And arent we all."

"This is very true, but I have a problem. I guess listening to you joke every night about the tough times in your life makes me think there might be a solution to my situation."

"I am glad I am able to make you laugh, but you arent making much sense." To fill the awkward silence that followed as his new friend seemed to be searching for words once again, Freddie glanced at the clock over the bar. "Oh, shit. I have to go. I didnt realize it was this late. I have school in the morning. My teachers are always getting on my case for being late, and I have a long way to go to get home."

When he turned back to Anna, Freddie saw she was looking at him intensely. Finally finding her voice, she asked, "Where do you live?"

"Washington Heights.... remember? The slums with trees," he replied with a chuckle, recalling one of his longest-standing jokes.

Anna laughed. "Thats right."

Freddie smiled at her. "Where do you live?"

"Actually right around the corner from here." Anna got up and gathered her purse and jacket. Freddie could see he had at least 9 inches on her as far as height. That was fine by him. He liked his women a bit on the short side-he especially loved the way they would lay their heads on his chest while slow dancing. Anna looked to be about the right height for that.

"Can I walk you home before I have to go?" The thought of dancing with her made Freddie realize he was hoping to get to know this lady better. Something about her made him think she might be too old for him--but many of the women he dated were a bit older. He liked them that way, too. Continuing to make his pitch, he admitted a bit shyly, "I would like to get to know you a bit more. I have a zillion questions to ask you."

Anna smiled just as shyly. "Sure. I would like to get to know you too."

"Alriiiiiight," Freddie exclaimed to himself. Outwardly, he just gave Anna one of his sexiest smiles and extended his arm to her.

Anna paid her check and the two exited the small club. "Which direction?" Freddie asked her.

Anna pointed. "This way." The two headed up the block, talking as they walked.

"So," Freddie ventured, "will you please satisfy my burning curiosity and tell me why you have been coming to catch my act? I know you said I make you laugh, but you must know all of my jokes by now. Yet you still come back. Why?" He was walking backwards in front of Anna, almost pleading with her.

"Well, I do have another reason. I have been trying to get up the courage to introduce myself and ask YOU a question."

Freddie smiled. "Well the first part is over. Whaddaya wanna know?"

"Do you have someone managing your career yet?" Anna blurted.

Freddie stopped dead in his tracks. She certainly didnt look like an agent. Maybe she knew one. He had been hoping an agent would come into the club and discover him for months now. "No, as a matter of fact, no one has asked me before this."

She looked at him incredulously. "I find that hard to believe, with all of your talent." Freddie looked down in embarrassment for a moment and she continued, "I would like the opportunity to manage your career, if you will have me."

"Youre an agent?" Freddie asked, trying not to act surprised but failing.

Now it was Annas turn to look down in embarrassment. After a long pause they resumed their walk, side by side once again as she continued, "I know it is hard to believe. That is the trouble I was alluding to in the clubI am not given much of a chance, since I am a woman. People in this business tend not to take me very seriously. You would be taking a big risk with me, but I know with your talent, I could get you better gigs and your face more recognition. What do you say?" They had stopped by the front steps of a brownstone building.

"Well I would have to give it some thought, but the offer does intrigue me," Freddie answered as he looked up at the building. "This your place?"

"Such as it is."

Freddie looked around at the street sign. "This isnt far from my school," he remarked.

Anna looked at him. "Where do you go to school?"

"The school for the performing arts."

"I should have known," Anna smiled. "You have the talent to be accepted there."

Freddie looked at his watch, mostly to cover the blush he could feel rising in his face. "Well, if I dont get home so I can get back here in time tomorrow, I wont be enrolled there much longer."

As if the discussion of her becoming Freddies agent were not enough, now Anna really surprised him. "It would be real convenient for you, if you stayed in my spare bedroom. You would be so close to school and the club."

"Are you asking me to stay with you?" asked Freddie.

"If you like. It would sure make it easier for me to contact you if I get gigs lined up." Anna looked up at him with eyes pleading even as she giggled at her own small joke.

"Well I havent said yes to your being my agent yet."

Anna answered calmly, "But I have a feeling you will."

Freddie shrugged his shoulders, "I might. But since it is late, maybe I will take you up on your offer of the room for tonight at least. Can I call my ma and let her know, so she doesnt worry about me?"

"Sure." Anna suddenly remembered something. "By the way, how old are you?"

"Seventeen.... but I will be eighteen at the end of this school year. Why?"

Anna smiled, "Just wanted to know before I took it into my head to seduce you." She winked at him when he looked at her in shock. "Im joking. It is just that I have seen how you operate with the ladies. I have observed quite a bit about you over the past month, not just your talent." She giggled again.

Freddie chuckled in reply and shook his head at her. "I see Im not the only one with a sense of humor."

"Nope." Anna made her way up the steps to her second floor apartment. After fumbling with her keys, she opened the door and pointed to the right. "The phone is on the wall in the kitchen. Help yourself. When you are done, Ill show you to your room."

Freddie nodded and made his way over to the telephone. Dialing the number of his familys apartment, he got his mother on the line. She wasnt too happy about Freddie not coming home, but he managed to sweet talk her into seeing it his way. When he hung up he went in search of Anna. She was waiting for him in the living room.

"This isnt a big place, but it is adequate for me," she told him as she showed him around. She led him down the hall and opened a door. "This is the spare room. You can sleep here. The bathroom is across the hall, there." She pointed and went on, "I put out an extra toothbrush on the sink, and feel free to use any of the soap and shampoo." Turning back to the bedroom, she said, "Help yourself to any of the clothes in the closet and drawers. They were my brothers, and you look to be about his height and build." With a smile, Anna concluded, "I hope you find the bed comfortable."

"I am sure it will be fine." Freddie smiled back at her. She turned and headed toward a door at the far end of the hall. "What time do you need to get up?"

Freddie thought a moment. "I should be up around 6 if I am going to be ready for my eight o clock class."

"OK, Ill give you a six oclock wake up call." She turned and opened the door to her room. "By the way, I will lock my door at night, just in case you get any ideas." She giggled one more time and wished him a good night before closing her door.

"Wow," thought Freddie to himself. "She sure is hard to figurequite awhats the word? Oh yeah, quite an enigma." He was chuckling again as he started getting ready for bed, yet by the time he closed his eyes he felt apprehensive, wondering where all of this could lead him.

The next morning Freddie awoke to soft knocking. Forgetting where he was for the moment, he looked around in puzzlement at his surroundings. Finally, as his head cleared and he became more awake, he remembered the events of last night. "Freddie, its six," he heard a female voice call to him softly from the other side of the door.

"Thanks. Im up," he called back to Anna. He heard her footsteps retreat back down the hall and heard a door close. Swinging his feet over the side of the bed, he sat up, yawning. The bed had been comfortable and he wished he could spend a few more hours in it. Turning on the light on the stand next to the bed, he stood and stretched his full length of six feet two inches. Then he grabbed the towel and face cloth that was placed over the back of a desk chair and headed toward the bathroom.

When Freddie was finished showering and dressed in clothes he found in the room, he came out to the kitchen to find Anna fixing breakfast. Smelling coffee, he grabbed a cup from the counter and squeezed past her over to the pot to pour himself a cup. "Good morning," he said to the top of her head.

"Good morning, yourself. How did you sleep?" she asked him as she turned and looked at his attire with a critical eye.

"Like a baby. The bed is very comfortable." Freddie saw she was looking at the clothes he had chosen out of the closet. "Your brother and I must wear the same size. These fit like a glove. I hope he wont mind me borrowing them."

Anna looked quickly away to the eggs frying in the pan on the stove, but not before Freddie saw the sadness that fell over her face. "He wont mind. He was killed six months ago," she explained him in barely a whisper.

"Oh, mami, I am sorry. I didnt know." Freddie looked down at her, shifting his feet awkwardly.

Anna braved a small smile as she turned back to face him. She took the frying pan and spooned the eggs out on to two waiting plates on the table. "Its ok. How could you know? He used to share this apartment with me. Its been very lonely here since.... well..." her voice trailed off as she invited Freddie to sit down with a wave of her hand. They both sat in silence as they began to eat. After a few minutes, she said, "You remind me of him, you know?"

Freddie looked at her puzzled. Seeing his expression, she went on to explain. "It isnt your looks so much as your sense of humor. You see, Arthur, my brother, was a comedian too."

Freddie thought for a moment. He remembered something in the papers about six months ago regarding a comedian by the name of Artie Harris being murdered. He knew Artie from the clubs--never personally, but Artie was becoming a legend in the clubs for being a white comic doing ethnic humor. In fact, some of Freddies newer material was patterned after Arties style. "Youre Artie Harris sister?"

Anna smiled. "Yes, Artie Harris was my brother. The best brother a sister could ever have. He was the one who encouraged me to go into the talent agency business. He wanted me to manage his career. He... " She choked up and Freddie went over to her, knelt down, and put his arm around her. She accepted it, but only for a moment before shaking him off. "Im sorry for that. I should be over this by now."

"Only if you have ice water flowing in those veins of yours. Its ok to still be grieving, you know."

"Well my tears arent going to bring him back. I only hope I can honor his memory by helping other young comedians get the break that was snatched from him." Anna got up, got a tissue and wiped her eyes. She started to clear the breakfast dishes. Freddie gulped down one last bite in a rush to help her.

"Is that why you wanted to manage me?" He asked as he stacked the plates in the sink.

"Partly, if you will have me."

Freddie smiled. Now he knew he wanted her to be his agent. "You got it. Just draw up the contract and I will sign it."

"Great," Anna answered as she filled the sink with water and a squirt of dish soap. She glanced at the clock over the stove. "You had better get going, young man, or you will be late for school. That would defeat the whole purpose of you staying here last night." She hesitated and then added, "You know you are welcome to that room on a permanent basis if you like."

"It is a tempting offer, if I decide to finish school. Right now I am thinking of ditching it and going into show business full time. What do you think, manager?"

"I think you should stay in school and finish. You are almost done, and that diploma will take you further in this life than if you dont have it. That is my expert advice as your manager." She rolled up the dish towel she had draped over her left shoulder and snapped it at his bottom. Freddie thought how good it was to see her smile again, and returned a grin as she admonished, "Now scoot! Let me know after school what you decide about the room. Ill have the contract drawn up by then so you and your parents can look it over."

"Sounds good," Freddie said as he headed for the door. "Have a good day, Anna, and thanks for last night." He saw her turn back to the sink, chuckle and shake her head as he closed the door, so he knew she had understood the innuendo in his remark. More than understanding his humor, he thought, she was the one person who seemed to really understand what drove him. This might turn out to be a great relationship, he said to himself, as he walked outside and started the four blocks to his school.

Bounding up the stairs to the second floor two at a time, Freddie ran into Nat at the top. He slapped his friend on the back and the two of them headed for their first class of the day.

"You are sure smokin this morning, bro," Nat said to Freddie with a wink "What did you do last night after you left the club, as if I didnt know?"

"Hey man, it wasnt like that at all! Anna is a really nice lady. Didja know that her brother was Artie Harris?" asked Freddie.

"No jive?" Nat exclaimed. "Wow, that musta been tough on her. He was a cool dude. Shame how he was wasted. He had it goin on."

Freddie looked contemplative. "I know. She wants to manage me and get me the breaks her brother was denied. That is why she has been coming to the club every night. She was getting up the nerve to ask me if I had an agent."

"So what did you tell her?"

Freddie shrugged, "What could I tell her? I know having a woman agent is a big risk, but hell, I believe in her. She told me I reminded her of her brother--his sense of humor, that is. Seems I am the same size he was too. These threads are his." Freddie pulled at the shirt he was wearing."

"Whered ya get his clothes?" Nat asked.

"Anna let me borrow them. She asked me to spend the night at her place because it was so late. She only lives a few blocks from here."

"So thats how it is," Nat joked. "Alright, my man!"

Freddie shook his head. "No, Nat-I told you, it isnt like that at all. Her brother used to share the apartment with her, and I slept in his room last night." He shuddered a moment at the thought of sleeping in a dead mans bed and added, "I didnt know that at the time last night. I only found out she was Arties sister this morning over breakfast. She asked if I wanted to stay with her regularly, cause it would be closer to school and the club."

"Sounds like a sweet set up. I hope you took her up on it," Nat said.

"Well, I havent given her an answer. I dont know....." Freddies voice trailed off as they got to the classroom and sat down.

"Well," Nat mimicked Freddies slow way of saying the word, "I think you would be a fool to turn down shackin up with a fine lady like that." He winked again and Freddie decided it wasnt worth the breath trying to make Nat see that Anna wasnt the kind of woman you bed and forget. Anyway, it seemed to Freddie that Nat was finished with that topic, because he leaned over and asked, "You still gonna be able to make band practice after school?" Nat and Freddie were in a band they had formed the year before. They played in small clubs and some of the local high schools. Freddie knew the band was small potatoes compared to his comedy gigs, but he enjoyed playing the drums with the guys. "Sure, I can be there for about an hour, but then I need to go by Annas and pick up that contract and have my parents look at it. I think Anna could actually get me more work. But she wants me to stick school out to the end. I hope she is right. School isnt giving me one thing these days. But if she says its important, I guess Ill finish." Freddie got a far away look in his eyes. "But I cant wait till I get out to Hollywood and Vegas. That is where the big money is."

"Well big man, doncha be forgettin us little folks back home when you become a STAR." Nat giggled and hit Freddie in the arm. Freddie laughed with Nat until the teacher came in to start class.

After school and band practice, Freddie took a cab to his home in Washington Heights. His mom was still at work, but he found his father, who had retired recently, in front of the TV watching the local news. "Hi, pop," he called out as he slammed the door and headed for the kitchen to fix himself a snack.

"How was school?" asked his father from the living room.

"Boring, as usual," answered Freddie as he sat down on the couch in the living room with a sandwich in one hand and a bottle of soda in another. "I still dont understand what I am going to do with all that crap they teach me there. If only I could just take the classes I am interested in."

"Well, your mother and I know what value is placed on a good education, son, so you are staying in school."

"I know, I know..." Freddie trailed off as he got up to leave. He had heard enough of this lecture in the past and wasnt in the mood to listen to it now. His dad, having been over forty when Freddie was born, would never understand where he was coming from-especially not about comedy. His mom, who was much younger than his dad, worked too hard in Freddies opinion, and he couldnt wait to make it big so he could get both of his parents out of this "slum with trees." Being immigrants, they had come from a whole different world--and because Freddie realized that, he wondered if they would ever grasp what his dreams were.

Freddie went into his room and turned on the radio. He laid on the bed finishing his snack and thought about Annas offer of her brothers room. It really wasnt much bigger than his own, but his moving out would give his parents more space and it would be more convenient for him, not having to travel uptown every night after the show. He was a big guy, but the streets of New York City were no place for anyone but the muggers at 3 in the morning. Breaking the news to his mother was his only stumbling block. He was very close to her, due to the fact that he was her only child. She tended to dote on him, even though she could come off tough as nails. He rehearsed his little "Im a man now" speech in front of his mirror many times, until it was time for her to be home from work.

Freddie heard his mother close the door to their apartment. Looking in the mirror one last time, he said to himself, "Well brother, this is it." Exiting his room and bounding up to his obviously tired mother, he planted a kiss on her cheek and said, "Hi ma, how was work?"

"Hola, mijo," Mrs. Pruetzel replied, sitting down at the kitchen table, "It was work. I am glad to be home. How was your stay last night? I missed you."

"It was ok. It was nice not to have to go very far to get to school this morning. I think I shocked the hell out of my English teacher, showing up on time."

"Freddie, watch your language!"

"Sorry ma," he hung his head and give her his best sad-puppy-dog look. "Let me make dinner for us tonight. You look exhausted."

His mother smiled. "It means tacos and beans then, because I know how you cook. But I am too tired to argue with you. I think I could stand tacos and beans for one night."

"Good, just sit and relax." He began to bang around the tiny kitchen, finding the things he needed to make dinner. Mr. Pruetzel came back from the bathroom, kissed his wife on the cheek and sat down across from her. Freddie saw that now both of his parents were his audience, so he figured it was as good a time as any to break his news to them. While the beans were heating in the pot, he brought the lettuce and tomatoes over to the table with the cutting board and knife and started chopping. He stopped long enough to take an envelope from his jeans pocket and placed it on the table in front of his mother.

"I have some good news for you," he said rapidly, "There is this lady, her name is Anna dAngelo. It was her house that I stayed at last night. She wants to sign me up and be my agent and manage my career."

Mrs. Pruetzel extracted a long, legal-looking document from the envelope and flipped through its many pages. Waiting for her to finish reading it, Freddie glanced at his father, who shook his head. "What career?" Mr. Pruetzel asked in a stern voice. "You know you are just chasing rainbows with this dream of making it big in those clubs you stay out till all hours in! I keep telling you that you need to finish school."

Freddie tried to control himself by concentrating harder on chopping. This was too big an opportunity to lose because of a fight with his dad. He needed both his parents signatures on that contract. He silently wished he was 18 now and could bypass this part of the deal. Thinking of the conversation with Anna this morning, he turned on the charm and answered, "Funny you should say that, Pop. That is exactly what Anna was telling me this morning over breakfast."

"Well," his father grumbled, "at least we agree on that."

"Freddie, mijo," his mother cut in, "what does all of this mean?"

Freddie stopped chopping and put the knife down. He had not had the chance to actually look at the contract that closely, spending most of his time trying to figure out what he would tell his parents about the whole deal. He took it from his mother and said, "Ma, this is just a standard contract giving Anna permission to legally sign deals for me. I will pay her a percentage of what I make and that is how we will both get rich. Then I can buy you and pop a house in the country and get you out of this muggerland."

Mrs. Pruetzel got up and kissed him on the cheek. "You are so sweet to think about us, but your father is right. No plan of a career should have you quitting school in it. I am willing to sign this for you only if you promise me you will finish school."

Freddie stood up, kissed his mothers cheek and gave her a hug. "I promise, ma. Like I said, Anna has already insisted that I do that too. She knows that I will go further with a diploma, but for the life of me, I cant see how. I am hot now, and I need to be making my moves before I am a has-been."

"Let me go wash up for dinner and then after dinner you can read this to me and help me to understand it." His mother started to leave the kitchen. Freddie blocked her way. "Ok, but there is one more thing. It isnt in the contract, and I know Anna will still want to manage me if I say no, but she has asked me to move into her apartment."

Freddie winced as he saw the shocked looks forming on both of his parents faces. He knew what was going through their minds. "Let me explain this," he went on, trying to head off the line of questioning he knew was coming. "She has a spare room that used to belong to her brother. He was a comedian too, but was killed about 6 months ago. She told me that she hoped I would live there to be closer to work and school, and so that she could get a hold of me sooner if a gig came up. It is a nice place and it is strictly above board. She wants to meet you, in fact, before you agree to this."

"Well talk about it after dinner," his mom answered him as she pushed past him and headed to the bathroom. Mr. Pruetzel picked up the evening paper from the table--his wife had brought for him as she did every evening--and hid behind it. Freddie knew he was in for a long night. Looking up at the clock above the sink, he hoped he would be able to convince them that this was a good thing before Anna came over at 8. When he had stopped by her place on his way home from school to retrieve his own clothes and pick up the contract, she had asked to come and meet his parents tonight, and Freddie had agreed eagerly. Now he wondered if this was too soon.

After dinner, Freddie went silently about cleaning up. He never did much in the kitchen, but he felt it would put him on the good side of his parents, showing them he could be responsible. He had everything looking perfect when Anna knocked on their door at 8. "I got it," he yelled to his parents, who were in the living room watching TV. Freddie opened the door and saw Anna standing there, looking very different from the last time he had seen her. She had pulled her long straight hair back in a bun and wore small wire framed glasses that just covered her beautiful dark eyes. "Buenas noches, Freddie," she said to him.

"I didnt know you knew Spanish," Freddie remarked, surprised.

Anna smiled, "I dont really, but I have picked up a few common phrases. I know your mother is Spanish, so I had hoped if I used them, I would make her feel more comfortable."

"You seem to know a bit about me and my family."

"Well I make it my business to get to know the person I want to manage. I think it is good for our working relationship."

"You look different tonight, with your hair up and wearing glasses. It makes you look older, if you dont mind me telling you that."

"Not at all," Anna smiled. "I was hoping to look a bit more mature to impress your parents. I want them to feel comfortable about putting their sons career in the hands of a capable, responsible manager."

Freddie suddenly felt awkward standing in the doorway of his parents apartment. "Come on in. My parents are in the living room."

He waved Anna in with his arm and closed the door behind them, then showed her the way to the living room. "Our apartment isnt much bigger than yours, Im afraid," said Freddie as they entered. His father started to get up, but Anna stopped him as she walked over and extended her hand. "Buenas noches, Señor Pruetzel. My name is Anna dAngelo."

"Hola," responded Freddies father. He was Hungarian, but used to being addressed in and speaking Spanish thanks to his wifes influence.

Anna then went over to his mother and did the same. "Buenas noches, Señora Pruetzel. Your son has a lot of talent. I would like the opportunity to nourish that talent and see to it that he gets the opportunities to take his talent to new places. I think he has it in him to go very far in the entertainment business. I hope you both will allow me to do that on his behalf."

Freddie just stood there in amazement. He had been all prepared to introduce Anna to his parents, but when she did it herself--and in such a commanding way--he was left speechless. Mrs. Pruetzel must have seen his mouth hanging open, because she directed her first comment not to the engaging young woman shaking her hand, but to her son. "Freddie, manners! Show this nice young lady to a seat."

"Oh, sorry. Here, Anna." He took her over to the sofa and indicated where she should sit, then sat down next to her.

"Señorita dAngelo, I did bring my son up with better manners, you understand."

Anna smiled. "I am sure you did. He does have very good manners, really. He has been a perfect gentleman with me, I can assure you." Freddies mother smiled and for the first time it seemed to him that she was starting to warm up to Anna. His father, Freddie wasnt so sure about-he seemed to be staring at Anna, sizing her up.

"And by the way, señora, it is Señora dAngelo."

Both Freddie and his parents looked at her puzzled. "You are married, señora?" asked Mrs. Pruetzel.

"Yes and no, separated really. It is a very sad story and I hope that it will be over soon. I dont know if Freddie told you about my brother."

"Only that he was un cómico like mjio and that he was killed. I am so sorry," answered Freddies mom.

"It is ok, señora," Anna fell instantly into Mrs. Pruetzels habit of mixing English and Spanish as she explained, "It has been six months and el asesino is behind bars now, paying for his crime. You see, el asesino de mi hermano was mi esposo. I am trying to get a divorce from him, but he isnt making it easy..." Anna broke off and looked at her feet. Freddie could see she was feeling very awkward talking about her own situation, so he took her hand and squeezed it. "Ma, now can you see why I want her as my manager? She told me she wanted to honor her brothers memory by giving other young comedians a chance to make it big."

Freddie felt Anna squeeze his hand in return as she straightened up. "Si, señora, my own worries I can put aside. I want to help su hijo become a big star. I know he can do it too. He is a very talented cómico. Maybe I can help you to understand the contract better. I dont want you or Señor Pruetzel to sign anything you do not fully understand." Freddie had not even thought about his father sitting there in the corner, quietly staying out of the conversation. At the sound of his name, Mr. Pruetzel seemed to come to life and said, "Thank you, Mrs. dAngelo. May I ask one personal question first."

"Sure."

Freddies father sat up straight in his chair. "How old are you?"

Anna smiled with what, to Freddie, seemed a look of relief. "I am 22."

"And how many stars have you managed?" his father asked. Freddie could hear the sarcastic emphasis his father put on the word stars. He cringed, knowing that Anna told him that he would be her first client.

"Actually, Freddie is the second person I will have under contract. The first was my brother. I was able to get quite a few jobs for Arthur. He was just about to make it big, when... when..." Her voice trailed off for a moment. Freddie watched Anna take a big breath, and as he squeezed the hand he still found he had in his, she seemed to draw courage from him and continued. "I actually had lined up a guest spot on the Jack Paar show right before he was ... taken from me. I know he would have been a hit on it too. His talent and my contacts had gotten him that far. I know I can take your son as far--and further as well."

Mr. Pruetzel shook his head, "Twenty-two and only one contract. I hope you know, Freddies mother and I expect him to graduate from high school before he goes running off to chase some dream. Then when he is through chasing it, he will have a diploma so he can get a real job and support himself."

Freddie cringed again, but Anna seemed to be up to the challenge his father placed before her. "Mr. Pruetzel, I have told Freddie that is his number one priority to finish high school. I know this isnt just a dream he is chasing, but a chance to make it big with his talent. A diploma will carry him further even in this business. True, he might want to pursue something else one day, and he will need it then too. I am with you 100% on this, I assure you."

"Good, just so long as that is perfectly clear," his father replied.

Anna turned to Freddie, "Do you have the contract I gave you?"

Freddie finally let go of her hand and got up. "I left it in the kitchen. Ill get it." He bounded off, found it on the counter where he had left it, and returned to the living room. Anna and his mother were engaged in a conversation about his living at Annas apartment when he again entered the living room.

"Señora Pruetzel, my place isnt fancy," Anna was saying, "but it is close to Freddies school and I will make sure he goes every day. My brothers room is rather small, but I am sure Freddie will find it comfortable. I will insist that he come to see you frequently. It is not my intention to take him away from his family, but to make it more convenient for him to both perform and attend school."

"Well, if he will come home to see us often enough, I guess it will be ok," Mrs. Pruetzel answered reluctantly. Freddie could see what a struggle it was for his mother to give up the only joy in her life. He handed the contract to Anna and went over to kiss his mother on the cheek. "Ma, I would never leave you, you know that. And when I make it big, I am going to buy you and Pa a house in the country where you dont have to live with the muggers and you wont have to work anymore. Thats a promise!"

"I know, mijo. You are un chico bueno. Just remember to stay good! ¿Entiende?

"¡Entendió!" Freddie knew he could charm his mother into anything, so he flashed one of his biggest smiles, and could see in her answering smile and nod that she was willing to accept this arrangement. The rest of the evening was spent going over the contract. Freddie was impressed with how patient Anna seemed to be with his parents, making sure they understood every part of the contract before they signed. When Freddie signed it, he knew that he was finally on his way to the top.

Anna left shortly after the contract was signed. Freddie told her that he would move into her place the next evening. Tomorrow was Friday, so he could sleep late the following morning, after settling in and doing his stint at the club. Thinking of that reminded Freddie-now that Anna was gone, he needed to get going himself, if he were to make it to the comedy club in time to be on the list for a shot at the mike. During the cab ride to the club, his head was full of dreams--of stardom and the things he would do when he made it big. Freddie knew his routine would be great tonight, because now he had more confidence in his talent. Anna had already given him that much, making him feel even better about having her manage his career. He thought of how she had tried to get her brother a gig on the Jack Paar show, and wondered when he would get his turn at a television spot. So many possibilities swam in his pool of imagination that he totally forgot what Anna had told him and his parents that night about her own problems. He would soon regret that his fantasies blinded him to her reality.

Dos

Nat came bounding into class and practically knocked the sleeping Freddie out of his seat. "My man, I know its Monday morning, but wake up! The teach will be here and hed better not catch you nappin."

Freddie yawned and stretched, "Thanks, bro. I gotta stay focused so I can get outta here with that piece of paper my parents and Anna think is sooo damn important." He practically snarled the words.

"You had a gig this weekend? I tried to call you, but there was no answer at your pad," said Nat in his easygoing fashion.

"Yea, and this time it was up in the Catskills for some rich Jews. I didnt think they would like a kid from the slums of New York City--and a Puerto Rican at that--but they laughed at all of my material. I guess Anna was right that my humor knows no ethnic boundaries, but sometimes I wonder about some of the gigs she lines up for me. I keep asking her when I am going to get my shot on TV, but all she keeps telling me is that I have to pay my dues first." Freddie slammed his book on the desk. "I am so tired of doing the circuit! I love the clubs, but I want a taste of the apple. Its so close, I can smell it."

"Well she must know what shes doin, man. Give it time. You always want everything yesterday. Your impatience is gonna get you into trouble one day, you know."

Yawning again, Freddie sheepishly replied, "Yeah, youre right. I just wish I didnt have to keep two sets of hours. Staying up late on the weekends and then having all these early classes is gonna be the death of me. Maybe next semester I can arrange not to have an 8 oclock class. Wouldnt that be great?"

"Good luck with that." Nat saw the teacher walk through the door to the classroom, so he lowered his head and whispered to Freddie, "Hey, you feel like another band practice after school today?" Freddie shook his head almost imperceptibly and whispered back, "Cant...gotta catch up on some sleep. Maybe tomorrow."

Nat shrugged. Freddie could tell his friend was thinking that he would be giving up the band now that his comedy career was getting so busy. Maybe Nat was right, but only half--he wouldnt stay in the band forever, but it was hard giving it up as well. He hoped Nat would understand that he had bigger plans for his life now.

Christmas was fast approaching, and Anna had lined up some holiday gigs in the Pocanos. She did promise Mrs. Pruetzel that he would spend Christmas day with his parents. Freddie was enjoying all the attention that the better clubs were giving him, yet he knew he was not getting the rest he needed. One night, after Freddie finally landed an earlier spot at his favorite comedy club downtown, another comedian commented on how tired he already looked, even after finishing his set by ten. Freddie shrugged off the remark, saying it was the price of fame. The other comedian then held out his hand--in his palm were four yellow and green pills. "Uppers", he called them. Freddie shook his head. He had friends who did drugs and a few had died from them. When he talked to Anna about those friends-commiserating over her loss as best he could, since he had only half-siblings he barely knew--she had told him that her brother had also had his brush with drugs. Never elaborating, just telling Freddie that she hoped he wouldnt get started. He tried to refuse, but the guy said, "Look, man, these wont hurt you. They are just to keep you awake when you have to be. Take two and you will have the energy you need." Freddie, too tired to argue, took the pills and put them in his pocket. He then went back to change and meet Anna outside the club. It was a Thursday night and since his set was early, Anna had promised to take Freddie shopping for presents for his parents.

Freddie took Annas hand as he hailed a taxi. Anna tried to object, saying the bus would be cheaper, but Freddie insisted. "Look, I am making it now, we need to go in style." Anna was also tired that night-- really too tired to handle a crowded bus, she realized--so she accepted his help as a cab stopped and he opened the door for her to get in. Once inside, Freddie told the cabby to go to Macys.

"I always wanted to shop there," Freddie told Anna. "My ma would take me past their windows at Christmas time to look at all the toys. It was just like the North Pole."

"Well, it is a nice store, but it is kind of expensive," Anna commented as nonchalantly as she could, not wanting to spoil Freddies fun. She knew he would find this out later and didnt want him to be embarrassed.

"Thats ok, Ive been savin up. I know exactly what I want to get my Ma. She needs a really nice, warm pair of fuzzy slippers to put her tired feet in at night when she gets home from work. And I want to get Pop a nice cushion for his easy chair." The upholstery on it was wearing very thin and Freddie knew he couldnt afford a whole new chair, so he figured this would be the next best thing. "Someday," he mused to himself, "Ill be able to afford a whole house full of new furniture."

The cab stopped at the front entrance of Macys. Freddie paid the cabby, giving him a generous tip. He escorted Anna past the crowds that were lined up in front of the windows. Inside, people bustled to and fro. Anna helped Freddie find the shoe department. It didnt take long for him to find a nice pair of blue fake fur slippers for his mother. Then they made their way to the furniture department and Freddie found the perfect cushion for his fathers chair. After he had paid for his purchases, Anna told Freddie that she had some shopping of her own to do. Freddie didnt let on, but he wanted to get Anna something too. They agreed to meet at the stores front entrance in an hour.

Once all the gifts had been bought, Freddie hailed another taxi and he and Anna made their way home. Snow was starting to fall as they stepped out of the cab in front of the apartment building. Rushing in out of the weather, Freddie and Anna ran breathlessly up the chilly stairway to her apartment. Inside they hung up their coats--slowly, since the radiator was old and cranky. After they had secreted their packages away in their rooms, Anna went about making the two of them a late supper. Freddie always felt a bit uneasy about meals at Annas because she wouldnt allow him to chip in for groceries or rent. "You pay me out of your gig money," she would tell him, but he knew what she took wasnt nearly enough. Still, his background taught him that he couldnt insult her by offering more. "One day," he thought, "Ill find a way to pay you back for everything."

When dinner was over, Freddie offered to do up the dishes. Anna watched the graceful work of his large hands for a while, then went to the living room window and looked out. "I didnt think the weatherman was calling for much, but it is really putting it down out there." She reached over to turn a local news station on the television as Freddie came in and sat on the sofa. Anna settled next to him, and they watched as the meteorologist told viewers that the city was under a winter storm warning for the rest of the evening. "Looks like I might not have school tomorrow," remarked Freddie. "ALLLRIGHT! A three day weekend."

"I just hope it wont keep you from your gig tomorrow night," said Anna.

"Where am I playing this weekend?" asked Freddie.

"Well I have you booked into the Improv uptown. That should get you a lot of recognition. Lots of producers hang out there."

Freddie let out a whoop, grabbed Anna in a big hug and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Youre the best, you know that. The Improv. That is where its happenin alright. Gracias!"

Anna blushed, partly at his sudden outburst--for she was a quiet sort who was always embarrassed by rowdiness, even in private--but more so at the display of affection. Over the past few months since Freddie had come to live with her, their relationship had been one of an older sister and younger brother. She had thought he could only look at her in that light, because that was what she portrayed to him all the time, when she wasnt being professional.

Freddie saw Anna blush and wondered if there wasnt something more to her feelings toward him. In turn, the very fact of his curiosity about this made him think that maybe his gratitude might be changing into a deeper emotion, too. He looked into her large brown eyes with his own dark, expressive ones and then slowly tilted his head down so that his full lips would make contact with hers. She seemed to respond to his advances at first, kissing him as engagingly as he was her--then suddenly she broke it off.

"Freddie, I cant get involved with you this way. It isnt right and it wont work." Anna disentangled herself from his arms, and Freddie looked at her with hurt in his eyes. He wanted to object, to tell her that he knew she felt for him the same way he did for her. But she never let him get the words out. "I know what you are going to say," Anna continued, "but it wouldnt work out. Im still married, for one, and I am trying to manage your career for another. There would be a major conflict of interest going on here with that. Besides, youre young--too young to be tying yourself to someone like me."

"But you do care for me, dont you? Please at least be honest with me about that," said Freddie finally when Anna gave him an opening in the conversation.

Now it was Annas turn to look hurt. "I have always been honest with you, you know that. But what would it accomplish to tell you that I care for you, Freddie? It would only make things difficult for the two of us, sharing feelings we can never act upon. Maybe it would be better if I just came out and told you that I could never love you like you want me to. I know that hurts now, but it will be better in the long run, believe me."

Freddie got up from the sofa and started back toward his bedroom. Turning for one last time, he said, "Forgive me if I dont believe you. I promise I wont say any more about my feelings for you" he paused and gave her a searching look, "if that is what you really want. But know that I love you and I would do anything to win your love."

Turning away so Anna wouldnt see the tears forming in his eyes, Freddie went into his room and shut the door. Even though eventually he could hear her moving around the apartment after he had left her, he willed himself not to go back out there. He could hear something that sounded like crying, but told himself he was too busy dealing with his own hurt to comfort her. Laying full length across the bed, he contemplated what had just happened. Still trying not to cry and not succeeding, his tears finally flowed. "Anna, you are wrong," Freddie told her silently, "and I will prove it to you somehow. I love you, and you know in your heart that you love me. Youre just confused, thats all. Youll see, itll work out, and then we can be together forever." In a haze of despair and fatigue, he began thinking that maybe he was carrying on this one-sided conversation in order to convince himself-that perhaps Anna was right after all.

Freddie woke up the next morning realizing that he had slept in his clothes on top of the bedspread. After a moment he also remembered he had cried himself to sleep the night before, and an instant later the reason for that. Getting up stiffly, he looked out the window of his room to see that approximately 6 inches of snow had fallen the night before. He quickly sat back down and turned on the radio, soon finding out-to his delight--that the schools were closed. Settling against the pillows, he thought it was time to decide what he should do about Anna and their arrangement. It would be awkward after what happened last night. Would she still want him to live with her and--more importantly--did she still want to manage his career, knowing how he felt toward her? He didnt think so. Not knowing either the answer or how to broach the subject was agonizing, so he moved on in his thoughts. Should he apologize for what had happened last night? After all, he couldnt help how he felt. Maybe he should just offer to move back home

All of this chaos swirling around his head almost made him miss the small knock on his door. "Freddie, its six o clock," Annas familiar soft voice was saying, just like she had every morning since he had moved in with her. "Its ok, Anna, theres no school today. I just heard it on the radio. You can go back to bed," he called out to her. Instead of hearing her footsteps retreat down the hall back to her room, Freddie saw the doorknob turn and the door opening. "May I come in?" he heard her ask before he could see her.

"Sure, Im decent. Come on in," Freddie answered. Anna came in and he offered her the chair with a wave of his hand, which he hoped was nonchalant. "Look, Freddie, we need to talk," Anna started. "I know," was all he could think to answer her.

She seemed to sense his awkwardness and took control of the conversation. The whole time Freddie had known Anna, he had slowly discovered that this was her way, to take charge when the situation was uncomfortable. Sometimes he would be just as strong in expressing himself-in fact he enjoyed being around a woman who was his equal in willingness to argue--but this morning he decided to let her do the talking. He wasnt too sure what to say anyway. Let me hear what she has to say first, he thought.

"I know you have deep feelings for me, and quite frankly I am very flattered." Nothing new there, Freddie thought with a forced disdain that he often used to cover his real feelings, Ive heard that before. Everything she said next surprised him, however. "I might even have them for you, if I let myself feel like that again. But you have to understand something--I have been through a lot of pain lately. I dont think I am ready for another relationship. I have too much past to have to deal with"

Anna stopped abruptly, looking as if she were going to cry, but straightened her shoulders and went on, "I hope you understand that. I wish I could share with you all that I went through and am still going through, but that is not your worry. You have enough on your plate right now. I hope we can still be friends, and that you will still allow me to manage your career. I can tell you that I believe in you, Freddie. You make me laugh, when all I want to do is cry" She broke off again, then added almost as an afterthought, "I hope it wont be too awkward for you to continue to live here. That, too, has been a blessing for me. Sometimes it is as if I have Prince Charming himself staying here!"

She tried to smile, and Freddie smiled back, reaching for her hand. "You have been a good influence on my life as well, Anna. I will stay, and I will respect your feelings. I hope one day to prove to you that I can help you get over your pain, if you would only open your heart to me, but I will not force you to do that." He released her hand and said, "It is funny you call me Prince Charming. Some of the girls at school call me that too, but sometimes I think they do it to make fun of me. I come off as the Latin charmer sometimes, but underneath that is a scared little boy afraid of getting hurt."

Anna smiled more easily now. "I know, I saw that in your face the night you so boldly came up to me to introduce yourself. I could tell right away that you are not always as sure of yourself as you try to seem."

Freddie laughed, "Well my secret is out then!"

Anna grew thoughtful for a minute. "You know something, that gives me an idea. Remember that conversation we had, back about a week ago, about changing your last name for the stage?"

"Yeah, I dont want to disrespect my parents, but Pruetzel is a bit of a mouthful for the MCs to pronounce. Why, do you have a name in mind?"

"Well, since you are always coming off as charming, why not Freddie Prince?"

Freddie laughed again, but then it was his turn to be thoughtful. "Humm, maybe... it has potential," he said with a thick Puerto Rican accent. "But it needs to be more Hispanic sounding, for my ma.... Hummmm... Prince.... Prinze... Thats it. How about Freddie Prinze--with a "z" instead of a "c"?"

Anna thought for a moment and then answered, "Yeah, thats good. Very Hispanic sounding and catchy besides. You are always joking about wanting to be the King of comedy, but you are more like the clown prince of comedy!" They both laughed, and Anna tried out the new name, "Freddie PrinzeI love it! I will have the papers drawn up to have it changed on your contracts with the clubs."

Anna got up to leave the room, but Freddie quickly placed himself between her and the door. Taking her in his arms, he said, "Look, I know you know how I feel about you, but that isnt all there is to my feelings. You must know that I have a lot of admiration and gratitude toward you as well. Thank you for helping this poor kid from the streets get a break. No matter what happens between us, I will always be grateful for that." He bent down and kissed her gently on the lips. "That is from your number one fan," he told her after the brief kiss was over.

"IIm glad you still want me to help you out," she answered, obviously flustered, "We are a team, you and I."

"You got it!" Freddie exclaimed, returning to his Puerto Rican accent. Anna left his room, giggling. Freddie thought about what had just happened and said to himself, "Im glad I could still make her laugh. I dont know whats going to happen between us, but I know she will make me a success. Then maybe I can take her away from all of her pain." He laid back down and decided to get some more sleep since there was no school. He needed his rest if he were going to have the energy to do the Improv that night. He fell asleep hoping the weather would improve by then, and dreamed of the MC introducing him on the stage of the infamous Improv Comedy Club, "Ladies and gentleman, the Improv is proud to welcome New Yorks newest and brightest comedian, Freddie PRINZE!!!!!"

That evening the snow had tapered off, and Freddie was able to keep the club date Anna had set up for him. Though he knew this was his biggest gig so far and he should stay focused, Freddie couldnt help himself-wallowing in the excitement and nervousness of it all, he paced while he waited to be called on stage and wished he had Anna or Nat to help him calm down. Gazing around slack-jawed, he thought how this was among the most prestigious venues for comics in New York, yet backstage the Improv was just like the other clubs he had played in New York--there was one dark, dingy dressing room for the male performers.

Another guy was sitting smoking, seeming very relaxed to Freddie. He decided to go over and introduce himself. Sticking out his large hand and forcing himself to smile, he said, "Hi, Im Freddie Prinze."

The other comedian looked up with a glazed expression as they shook hands. "Nice to meet you. Im Buster Lennox. You must be new here."

Freddie looked down at him, surprised. "How can you tell?"

"Youre pacing like a new father in a maternity ward." They both laughed at Busters joke. "Yeah" Freddie looked at the floor, embarrassed, but quickly recovered himself the way he usually could when a joke fell flat. "Well, I noticed youre pretty calm for a guy waiting to go on at the Improv. You must be an old pro."

"Ive been here performing for about 6 months, and if that makes me a pro, then wheres all the bread, huh?" He gave a sarcastic chuckle, but Freddie just stared at him, not knowing what to say. Buster continued. "As for being calm, I cant afford to be nervous--it throws off my whole shtick. Its isnt experience thats making me calm, thoughI have help."

"Oh?" Freddie said.

Buster held out to Freddie the cigarette that he was smoking. On closer inspection, it was obvious that it was homemade. Then Freddie realized what was enclosed in the twisted brown paper. "Weed?" he inquired.

"Yup," Buster answered with a slur, "Want a hit? Itll calm you right down."

Freddie thought about it. He had tried marijuana a few times, mostly because the other guys in his high school were doing it. He liked the way it made him feel, but he was afraid of getting hooked on harder stuff, so he had decided not to make a habit of it. That was why he switched to regular cigarettes. He smoked those when he was out and about, but never at home or at school--out of respect for his parents and so he wouldnt get in trouble at school. He didnt smoke at Annas either, because he saw she was a nonsmoker and didnt want to offend her. Cigarettes did help to calm him sometimes, but he hadnt had the money for them in the last couple of days.

Before taking the plunge on such an important night, however, Freddie patted his pockets for effect and asked Buster, "Got any regular ones, man? Im fresh out." Buster shook his head slowly and said he just had joints. With a shrug of his shoulders, Freddie decided to take Buster up on a drag. After all, he said to himself, I do need something to take the edge off the nervousness. He didnt want to get too high, but he knew nerves would wreck his act, too, as Buster had said. As Freddie took a long drag on the joint, he could feel his muscles begin to relax. Remembering to inhale the smoke slowly so as to get the full effect of the drug, he closed his eyes and tried to get in closer touch with the feeling of euphoria that was taking over his whole system. Exhaling, he thanked Buster. The other comic just nodded and finished the joint.

Just then the stage manager knocked on the door and called for Buster to take the stage. Buster handed Freddie another joint and said, "It could be a while yet--if you need it, its yours." Freddie wanted to refuse, but he was enjoying the moment too much to be rude to his new friend. "Knock em dead, Buster," he answered as he put the joint in his pocket. He recalled the night when that other comedian had given him some pills. Having found a hiding place for them in the cigar box on the dresser, now he figured he would put the joint in the same place when he got home. Laughing to himself he said, "Freddie, my man, youre getting so good you wont have to buy your drugs. Theyre just handing them to you!"

Freddie shivered at the thought. He didnt want to become a junkie, like a few of his friends, but he knew that people in the entertainment business did drugs all the time. These guys who had supplied him didnt seem like junkies to Freddie, so he figured they just did it to cope with the stress and demands of the business. "I wont use them unless I really need them--this way I wont get hooked. I cant let Anna know, though--she wouldnt understand. I think her brother was mixed up with drugs." Remembering again the pills in the box on the dresser, he decided that after he put the joint with them, he needed to set it on the shelf in the closet just to be really sure Anna wouldnt find them. After all, she was too short to reach that shelf, even standing on a chair, Freddie thought with a chuckle. The pleasant mental picture this conjured up, thanks to the marijuana-of Annas backside at his eye-level-was interrupted by the stage manager standing in the doorway, indicating to Freddie that it was his turn to go on. Standing up slowly and taking a deep breath, he felt more than ready. The nervousness had left him, but his head was still clear enough for him to be alert and coherent. Freddie went out, confident he would slay em in the aisles.

When his set was over, Freddie came down off the stage and found the table at which Anna and Nat were sitting. As soon as he joined them, Nat was slapping Freddie on the back, telling him how great his act had been tonight. Anna beamed at Freddie, assuring him that he would make it big one day soon--she could just feel it. "You didnt look a bit nervous up there, Freddie," she gushed. Turning to Nat, she continued, "Remember how he was in the cab? I knew once he got on that stage, those nerves would go away. " Turning back to Freddie, she went on, "I knew you were a natural! You are so at home up there, it is uncanny. I guess you were just born to perform."

Freddie just laughed at her excitement and nodded in agreement. Reminding himself that he didnt want Anna to know he had had help in the courage department that night, he was trying to think of a response when a man approached the table. He looked to be about 35, with thinning hair and a small paunch barely concealed by a double-breasted gray business suit. He put his hand out to Freddie and said, "Great act you have there, young man. I think you have real talent." He reached into the breast pocket of his jacket, withdrew a card, and handed it to Freddie. "I have a show on channel 9 every Saturday evening called, "The New York Comedy Hour." I would love for you to be on sometime. I think you would be a hit."

"Ive seen that show--good stuff," Freddie remarked as casually as he could manage before handing the card to Anna. The name on the card was Jacob Menz, under which was the title "Television Producer - The New York Comedy Hour". "You really think I have the talent to be on it?"

"Absolutely, my boy!" Mr. Menz was grinning, "I think you are going to make it big in this business. I would like to talk to your manager sometime and set up a date."

Freddie pointed to Anna and said, "Well, that is easily arranged, shes right here."

Jacob Menz looked at Anna with surprise. Freddie thought that Anna seemed to be used to this reaction, the way she dived right in. He had only watched her from afar, negotiating with the managers of the clubs--this was his first real business meeting. He looked on silently, more fascinated than ever, while his manager took charge of the situation.

Anna stuck out her hand to Jacob Menz. "Anna dAngelo. I am Freddie Prinzes manager. We would be very interested in having Freddie perform on your show. My brother was on it once. He enjoyed the experience very much."

"Your brother?" Jacob asked.

"Arthur Harris."

"Oh, the comedian that was killed a while ago. He was your brother? I am so sorry. Artie had a lot of talent. It was such a shame, what happened to him."

"Thanks," Anna looked down briefly, clearly gathering her composure, then continued briskly, "I always thought he had the talent too. In fact, it was after his appearance on your show that he asked me to manage him and get his career going."

Jacob looked thoughtful. "I remember now. He told me he didnt have a manager and I told him he would need one if he wanted to go any further in the entertainment business. I even offered to manage him myself, but he thanked me and said he had someone else in mind for the job."

A small smile played at the corners of Annas mouth when she heard this. "That would have been me. I lost more than a brother when he was killed. That is why I am managing Freddie now--he reminds me a lot of Arthur, and I would like to see him get the breaks my brother was denied." She paused once more to collect herself. "Why dont you stop by my office sometime and we will draw up the necessary paperwork."

"Sounds good. You have my card."

"Yes, but you dont have mine. Sorry--I guess I am not too much on the ball tonight." Freddie knew that this was only because Anna had been obliged to speak of her brother, so in spite of it he was sure now that he had been right when he chose her to be his manager. Seeing her in action tonight made him realize she was very good at what she did. And maybe, he mused, in this business there was an advantage to having a pretty face. He saw the way Jacob looked at her. It actually made him a little jealous, but he knew Anna wasnt going to be interested in a middle-aged producer. Anna reached in her purse and handed Mr. Menz her business card. He then took leave of the party, and Anna told Freddie that they should be getting home too. He had other gigs that weekend, so he needed his rest. Nat made a crack about Anna being just like his mother, and Freddie glared at him. Nat took the hint and the rest of the ride home was unusually quiet. After dropping Nat off at his house, Freddie snuggled up to Anna on the seat. "I hope you dont mind me doing this, but you are nothing less than an angel in my eyes right now, and all I want to do is be as close to you as possible."

"Ooo, new material!" Anna giggled. "You never quit trying, do you?"

"Never!" Freddie grinned. "I promise to be good, though."

Anna reached behind him. "OK, if you promise," she giggled again, letting him put his head on her shoulder as she put her arm around his neck. To her amusement, she soon heard Freddie give a little snore. "He must be more worn out than I thought," Anna said to herself as she laid her cheek on the top of his head. Asleep the way he was, snuggled up against her, he looked less the man and more the little boy that she figured was still inside that good-looking face and well-built body. "If only I could find it in my heart to love you the way you want me to, bebe," she whispered to Freddies sleeping form. "I could really fall for a guy like you, if things were different..." Anna gently kissed his forehead, brushing her lips against his full head of dark hair as she straightened back up. The next thing she knew, the cab had stopped in front of her building.

Cin

Straightening himself up, Freddie left the stall, went to the sink and washed the tearstains from his face with cold water. Every part of him wanted to tell the owner that he needed to cancel his second set that night, but he knew Anna would be angry with and disappointed in him if he did. So screwing his nerves together, he exited the bathroom and went to the dressing room to wait for his call to the stage.co

Freddie prepared for graduation day the best he could. He was just happy that school would finally be over and done with. Then in a few weeks he would be on that big bird, winging his way west to fame and fortune. He only wished he knew whether or not Anna would be with him. He missed her more than he was even willing to admit to himself, but not only because he loved her. He felt that his big break was hers too and she should be there to enjoy it with him.

Lately, he had been having long conversations with Nat about what had transpired months ago. He hadnt said anything as it was happening, afraid of getting someone else into the danger he still felt around himself. (The image of Annas photo with a knife stuck in her forehead and the chilling words of the note were not easily erased from his mind.) But Nat was a curious sort, and Freddie had always found it easy to confide in him. After a few weeks of not hearing from Anna--and having nightmares about the situation--he broke down and let his best friend in on the secret.

Nat reassured him that things would be OK. His gang, which had taken Freddie in as a brother, would be there to protect him--if it ever came to that. Freddie knew that Nat and the guys had a gang "just to have a gang"; they never really fought anyone. Still, Freddie suspected Nat knew a few people who would provide protection for him and his family if he should need it.

Graduation day finally arrived and Freddie looked nervously out over the crowd, hoping to see Annas familiar face. But he could only see his parents, looking at him with pride in their faces. He was glad to make them so happy. If this little piece of paper meant so much to them, then he knew it was worth getting, even if he didnt feel the same way. As he sat on stage, listening to the valedictorian speech, his eyes continued to scan the people seated in the large auditorium. Finally, after searching nearly every row, he caught sight of a woman with a dark headscarf and sunglasses, sitting near the back of the room. The disguise was complete with a little padding to make her look heavier than Freddie remembered Anna. Good idea, Freddie thought to himself, not knowing if this was really her, but believing it was, because he needed to.

When it was his turn to go up to receive his diploma, Freddie looked out and smiled at his parents, then subtly glanced at the mystery woman. She seemed to nod in recognition, a small smile breaking out on her face. Seeing it, Freddie knew in his heart it must be Anna. He couldnt wait to get down off the stage and go talk to her. It could be dangerous, but hell, he had waited months to see her and he felt like he might not get another opportunity.

After the ceremony, Freddie bounded off the stage. After a quick congratulatory hug from his mom and stiff handshake with his dad, he excused himself and ran to the back of the auditorium, as fast as the milling crowd would allow him. He prayed the whole way that Anna wouldnt disappear before he had a chance to talk to her. Considering that she had probably chosen the seat in the back for a quick getaway, he knew his chances were slim to none, but the way she smiled at him gave him hope that his prayer would be answered.

She was still in the back, but was now standing in a dark corner. Her quick glancing around told Freddie she was trying hard not to be seen. He approached her slowly, like a hunter stalking a deer-afraid that if he came up to her too quickly, she might change her mind and bolt. "Anna?" he cautiously whispered when he thought he was within earshot. She nodded and signaled for him to follow her. Hurrying out of the auditorium, she led him down to his old haunt, the boys bathroom. "How fitting," he thought. Once inside, he locked the door, making sure first that no one else was there. As soon as he turned the lock, Anna took off the scarf and glasses, threw her arms around him, and kissed him long and hard.

Freddie knew she had taken a big risk coming to his graduation, but by the feel of the kiss, he also knew she had done it because she missed him as much as he had missed her. He had the notion to try something more and reached for the top button on her blouse, but she stopped him by breaking the kiss and backing away just at that moment.

"Freddie, I am so proud of you. I knew you would graduate. I couldnt stay away. I know I shouldnt be here, but...." Anna trailed off, catching her breath.

"Mami, I am so glad you came! Are you kidding?! It wouldnt have been the same without you. I missed you so much!" Freddie leaned down and kissed her again. This time Anna allowed only a much more subdued kiss. He tried not to show surprise at this, so happy to be with her that he didnt want to spoil the moment.

"Freddie, a lot has happened and I dont have much time. Eddie told me he had talked to you the day of the break-in, when I ran away." She lowered her head. "Im sorry I didnt tell you all about this sooner, but I didnt want you involved in this. But now that you are, you must know now why we can never be together."

"I know now why I want you more than ever," answered Freddie. "But I wont do anything to endanger you." He turned and walked away so she wouldnt see the tears that had started to course down his cheeks. "Anna, it is so unfair. You have worked as hard as I have to get me where I am going, and now it looks like you wont be able to share in the glory."

Anna didnt approach him, just allowed him this private moment, saying, "I know, but knowing that you have made it big is all the satisfaction I need. Was that all you were worried about?"

The words stung Freddie. He knew she was trying to get him to admit his feelings for her. His kisses and embraces had betrayed them, so why was it so hard to admit it in words now? Still looking away from her, he replied a bit too strongly, "You know that isnt all, but, damnit, the rest is harder still. Anna, I want you for mine more than I can tell you, but I cant have you. You belong to... to... that cabrón!" Freddie wasnt sure if he should call Annas husband a bastard to her face, considering she had married the man, so he felt he would be alright to do so in Spanish, figuring she wouldnt know exactly what he meant.

If she did know, Anna didnt let on. She just went over to Freddie and lifted his chin, looked into his tear-stained eyes and said, "Freddie, I know this is tough, but I needed to know that right now, how you really feel. Selfish of me, but I had to hear it so I would have the courage to tell you this next thing. Time is short and I need to leave, but you need to hear this."

Freddie dried his tears with his sleeve, looking at her puzzled. "What is it, bebe? You know you can tell me anything. I am sorry I got all emotional on you."

"Thats OK. I think this is an emotional time for both of us. Freddie, I have some news for you. It could have been good news, but considering the circumstances, I dont think it will be." Anna looked down and rubbed her belly. The padding Freddie had thought he saw there--he realized now--wasnt padding. It looked too much a part of her, especially as she caressed it. Oh my God!, was all he could think. Before Anna had the nerve to get the words out, Freddie took her hand and just looked at her, wanting to blurt out what he knew she was trying to tell him--but he also knew that women liked to tell men these things in their own way. Finally, after what seemed like agonizing hours, she continued,

"I can see by the look on your face that you have guessed my news. Im pregnant with your baby." Freddie wanted to scoop her up in his arms and tell her how wonderful that was, but managed to hesitate long enough to let her finish. "Freddie, I want this child more than you could know, but I cant keep it. If Antonio ever found out I was pregnant, he would have me and the baby killed" She faltered, her voice breaking, "and somehow, some way track you down as well. Antonio is a bitter man. He blames all of his problems on me right now. I have already made arrangements to secretly have the baby and put it up for adoption. I dont believe in abortion. Promise me, right now, that you will not try to find out about these arrangements, EVER!"

Freddie felt like someone had kicked him in the stomach. He tried very hard not to go into a stall and get sick in front of Anna, knowing that she needed him to be strong for her. Thousands of alternatives to her plans raced through his spinning brain. He realized that if Antonio and his family were as dangerous as he had been led to believe, Annas solution to their "problem" was the only way out. Still

After several minutes of trying to calm and convince himself, Freddie sighed and shook his head-as much to stop the dizziness as to disagree with her. "Anna, I am sorry. I am not the kind of guy who would get a girl in trouble and abandon her, you have to know that."

"Freddie, I know that. Believe me, if you had your way, we would be on the next plane to Reno and in a wedding chapel, verdad?"

Freddie smiled, the first time he had since all of this came crashing down on him. "You know me too well, Anna dAngelo. You know my heart wants to change that wretched last name of yours and give you mine." He patted her belly. "This child would only be icing on the top of that cake." Growing solemn again, Freddie concluded, "But you are right. You always are."

Anna stood on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek this time, holding both his hands. "Freddie, I have to go. I only hope I havent been away too long. Beth isnt safe either. I took a big chance coming here to see you and to tell you these things. I felt it was only right that you know, though, and from my own lips too. Messengers wouldnt do in this case."

"Thanks," Freddie said softly. After a moment, he took Anna in his arms again, his words--right in her ear--beginning to come faster as he hurried to say everything, "I do appreciate you letting me know in person. I wont keep you any longer. I will pray you make it to your friends house safely again. I do appreciate the danger you went through for me. I would not forgive myself if anything happened to you because of it. Get back safely and send word, if you can, that you did. You know how I worry about you."

"I will, through our mutual friend with the big afro!" She gave him one last squeeze before letting go, then smiled and turned to leave. "Freddie, one more thing."

"Yes?"

"Knock em dead in LA... for me."

Freddie smiled and said, "All for you, mami." He unlocked the door and checked to see that the coast was clear. After a short embrace and kiss, Anna headed for the front entrance of the school. Freddie stayed in the bathroom a few more minutes, to collect himself and think of a plausible excuse for his long absence. It was never easy telling his parents why he had disappeared like he sometimes did.

He decided to put off the real explanation till they were home alone later--for the moment, all he told them was he had spotted a long lost friend from the stage and needed to talk to them for a few minutes. Freddie never did share with her what had transpired the day he moved back home, but he suspected his mother knew more than she was letting on. He knew she had been concerned about Anna, for she had asked after her several times. She seemed to have a sixth sense about her only sons relationships with women, yet loved him enough not to pry into his private life. It was another part of the bond between them that made Freddie love his mother more and more each day.

His parents treated him to dinner at a fancy restaurant. Nat and his parents had been invited as well. It was a big day for the two friends, but a sad one as well. Nat was going to stay in New York to see what he could do with the band, and maybe pursue more music education. Freddie was leaving for LA in a few weeks, and hoped that he wouldnt be coming back to New York. He would miss Nat and the others, but he had experienced enough of New York City to feel like he never wanted to return once he left.

Over dinner he talked about the Carson show and how he hoped to make it big in Hollywood. It would be uncharted territory for him in more ways than one: traveling to a new city, telling all his usual standup fare to a new audience-on TV!--and having to come up with new material, if he lasted that long. Everyone laughed at both Freddies enthusiasm and self-doubt, assuring him that he would.

Then his mother expressed concern about where Freddie would be living. He told her that another comedian friend of his, Alan, who had already gone out to LA and had an apartment there, had invited him to stay with him while he was doing the spot on the Carson show. This was a real blessing, Freddie admitted, because he hadnt saved up all that much from his comedy gigs in New York. Nat gave him a knowing look-all those extravagant gifts for all those girls!--and promised to come out and visit Freddie once he got established in his own place.

At one point in the evening, Freddie felt he would burst if he didnt share Annas news with someone. "Would you all mind going home without me?" he asked his mother as he kissed her on the cheek. "I dont know when Nat and I will have more time alone, and we have a lot to talk about."

"Sure, mijo, your father and I can get a cab home. Dont stay out too late." Freddie could see the concern in his mothers eyes, but he also saw something else. She was beginning to see him as a man, and that made him really proud of her at that moment. He put his arms around her and hugged her hard, whispering in her ear, "Ma, you are the best. You know that no matter how old I get, I will always be your little boy!"

His mother broke the embrace and gave him a playful punch on the arm. "Go on now, enough of that. Go have fun with Nat, and we will see you tomorrow."

After the parents had said their good-byes to the guys and headed home, Nat turned to Freddie and said, "OK, bro, where to?"

"Anywhere. It doesnt matter. Someplace private, though. I got something to tell you."

"Oooo, mysterious." Nat thought a moment. "Lets go to that jazz club I been to in Harlem. All the privacy we need, plus good music."

"OK, but can you get me in? Im not 18 yet, you know."

"No problem, my man. I know the owner." Nat grinned.

Freddie smiled. "OK, lead on."

The two walked into a small hole in the wall club that only held about 50 patrons. It was dark and run down, but the music coming from the stage was HOT! Freddie followed Nat to a table in a corner, away from the stage. After they had ordered a couple of malt liquors, Nat said, "OK, bro, spill."

Freddie took a deep breath. "I saw Anna today."

"No shit?!" Nat exclaimed.

"She was in the back at graduation. I spotted her while we were listening to that Godawful speech. After the ceremony was over, I bolted and found her waiting for me in the back. She and I went to the boys room to talk."

"She tell you where she been all this time?"

Freddie shook his head. "I knew from that cop friend of hers that she was at her friends house, but she didnt tell me where. She is in a lot of deep shit with her old man right now. I am worried about her."

"She say why she came to graduation?"

"Well it seems she was willing to risk it. She was in disguisestill afraid of Antonio. I guess he has his goons out looking for her."

Nat shook his head. "Someone should waste that guy."

Freddie looked down as the waitress brought their bottles of beer. When she left he continued, "She has something else to be worried about now too.... " Freddie hesitated. Even though he had told Nat almost immediately what had happened that night before Anna disappeared, he had not mentioned it since. Maybe Nat thought Freddie had even forgotten, considering how many girls he had already loved and left. But he needed to tell someone about the baby. "Nat, shes pregnant."

Nat didnt say anything for a long time, just looked at Freddie like he was sizing up the situation. "You gonna marry her?" was all he could say, in a low tone, when he found his voice again.

"I cant, but you know and God knows I would if I could." Freddie tried to hold back the tears that were forming in his eyes.

"Why not?"

"Nat, you know she is already married to that goon and he wont let her go."

"Didnt you tell me her lawyer told her she could get a divorce without his consent?"

"Yeah, but if she does that, he would have her killed. These people dont mess around."

Nat grew thoughtful once again. Freddie took a joint out of his pocket. He started to light it up when Nat raised his hand, stopping him. "Man, this place is cool, but that wouldnt be. Not here. You want to light up, lets go elsewhere."

"No, I can wait. I kinda like it here. The music is soothing and this," he raised his bottle, "is calming me down for the moment. I guess it was just a reflex."

"Reflex?" Nat looked puzzled. The two had smoked pot before, but this seemed different to Nat. "How long have you been smoking shit, that it is a reflex action to light up?"

"A couple of months. It relaxes me when I am uptight, man." Freddie took another tug on the beer. "Whats the problem? You smoke."

"Yeah, now and again. But you sound like you are making a habit of it."

"Nah, I can quit, it is just that I dont want to right now. I need something for my nerves. I just wish they would legalize it so I dont have to be so cautious all the time."

Nat chuckled, "Yeah, well dont hold your breath, you might die first. The day they legalize shit is the day I turn into a whitey!"

Freddie laughed out loud. "Thats what I like about you, bro, you always see the funny side of life."

Nat shook his head. "No, man, that is your bag, mine is making music." They both sat in silence for a while, listening to a tall, thin, good-looking black woman sing in low, sultry alto tones. Nat said, "Mmmnow that is one bird I would love to fly the coop with."

"Uh huh," Freddie grunted in concurrence. Nat looked at him. "Youre thinking about Anna, though--I can tell by that far away look in your eyes."

"Why is life so unfair?!" Freddie cried in the stage whisper he had learned in acting classes. "I meet the woman of my dreams and she turns out to have a lunatic husband."

"Well it seems to me, Fred, that the solution to your little dilemma is to have the guy eighty-sixed."

Freddie frowned at Nat. "Yeah, like I have a hit squad in my back pocket just waiting for my order. Get real!"

Nat moved his chair closer to Freddie and said in a similar whisper, "How bad you want her?"

Freddie leaned away from his friend and looked back at him incredulously. "Whatcha mean?"

Nat looked around, like he was making sure no one else was listening, and then leaned back to Freddie and went on in an even lower voice, "Well I dont talk about this much, but I have connections...."

Freddie backed up, more slowly this time, and contemplated what Nat had just revealed. He knew a lot about Nat, but not everything. What if what Nat was implying were true--would he dare have a man killed just because he loved Anna? Plus it would possibly mean the implication of his best friend in the crime. No, as much as he wanted Anna for himself, he couldnt have anyone getting into trouble on his account. Slowly, Freddie shook his head. "Man, I appreciate the offer, but I couldnt have that on my conscience. No, there has to be another way."

Nat sat back and smiled knowingly. "Its OK, bro. That isnt an easy decision. But just so you know, anytime you want, just say the word."

"OK," was all Freddie could say. Uncomfortable all of a sudden, he looked at his watch and blurted, "Look, man, its getting late and I have a gig tomorrow night. Thanks for the ear."

"Hey that is what hermanos are for--and I have two, you know! Ears that is." Nat laughed. "Anytime."

Freddie hailed a cab to Washington Heights. He hated to walk even a few blocks. He thought about how he had so often walked with Anna, though. She hated wasting money on a cab. "Maybe that is why she was good for me. I bet when I make it big, I will be burning money like matchsticks. I should think about getting someone to manage my finances when I get to LA." At that thought, it hit him even harder that she wouldnt be with him. "Damn", he exclaimed out loud.

He leaned forward and asked the cabby to drop him off a block from his apartment. He got out and paid the man, then went into the alley that separated his building and the one on the corner. Checking quickly to see that there werent any winos or muggers hanging around, he reached into his jacket pocket for the joint he had tried to light up in the jazz club.

Freddie stood smoking for the longest time, allowing the drug to take his mind off his problems for a little while. A light rain started to fall, but he was too buzzed to notice. By the time he finished the whole joint, he was damp all over and unsteady on his feet. Crushing the butt under the sole of his foot, he staggered into his building and up the stairs to his apartment.

He tried not to make noise, not wanting to explain his condition to his mother and especially his father. He reeled back and forth between the walls of the hallway and carefully opened the door to his bedroom. Quietly closing it behind him, he collapsed on the bed and went to sleep.

The next evening, after he did his first set at the Improv, he was greeted in the hall to the dressing room by the man with the afro. "Dude, your bebe made it to her crib without a hitch. She wanted me to let you know."

"Thanks, man. If you see her, tell her Im glad."

The guy looked nervously around, then--seeing the hallway momentarily deserted--reached into the pocket of his jacket and handed Freddie an envelope. "Not nowlater," he said, then disappeared through the door that led to the alley in back of the club. Freddie put the letter in his pocket and headed for the small bathroom at the end of the hall. Locking the door, he sat down on the edge of the commode. He tore open the envelope and drew from it several sheets of cream-colored paper. In Annas small, neat writing, he read:

Dearest Freddie,

I know it has only been hours since I left you, but my heart is breaking already. Every time our baby kicks me in the ribs, he reminds me of you. You might wonder how I know it will be a son--I dont know, I just have this feeling. He will be handsome like his father, I am sure. I only wish we could be together raising our son. But that would not be fair to him, to live his life in fear. It is hard to think of giving up one of the two things I love more than anything in the world, but I have to think his welfare. I am forced to give up both of the things I love, really, because I have to give you up also.

My heart is breaking, knowing I can never hold you in my arms again, to have you do all the things you did with me and to me that glorious night. You might think I was too drunk to remember the things we did, but I remember everything. It all plays in my dreams every night. At least I have the memory of your love. That was why it was important to me to hear you say that you loved me today. A dream is only a dream, unless you know that the person of your dreams feels the same way you do. I know I am not making much sense, but I think you know what I mean.

Freddie blushed a little, aching in a different way as Anna went on to describe in detail every aspect of their night of lovemaking. She proved to Freddie that she did remember it and relished the memory of it. It was all Freddie could do to keep reading and not relieve himself of the tension building in his body. She spoke of every detail so lovingly that Freddie couldnt help but cry, knowing he couldnt have her that way ever again. This helped to put his desires in check for the moment. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he continued to the last page of the long letter.

I want you to know that it isnt just your love and loving ways that I will miss. We have grown together in your career, and it tears me up inside that I wont be able to be there when you finally show the world what you can do. I want you to know that I will be watching, though. I will be glued to Beths TV the night you are on. You will be fantastic, I know. Just promise me you will remember your little Anna when you make it big. One day you will find a girl to make your own, and she will be the luckiest woman on the face of the earth, because she will have the best guy in the whole world.

On a note of business, I have enclosed the card of an agent out in LA. He is a good man and has agreed to take you on as a client. I know he will help you to go far. I am giving up this business. Beth is trying to find me work around here--probably as a secretary, since I have some secretarial skills. It isnt as glamorous as show business, but I have to eat!

I know I torture myself with thoughts of "what if". Please know that if there were any way I could be with you, I would. Who knows what the future may bring, but I dont want you to be waiting around. You are destined for greatness, and I dont want to tie you down. Reach for the stars, Freddie. You are half way there.

Well I reluctantly end this letter, knowing it could be my last to you. Take care of yourself and dont let the Hollywood machine eat you up.

All my love,

Anna Freddie took the business card enclosed in the letter and put it in his wallet--he knew he would need that in LA and didnt want to lose it. The letter was another matter; he would have to find a special place for that. In the mean time, he carefully replaced the pages in the torn envelope and put it in the inside breast pocket of his jacket.

Straightening himself up, Freddie left the stall, went to the sink and washed the tearstains from his face with cold water. Every part of him wanted to tell the owner that he needed to cancel his second set that night, but he knew Anna would be angry with and disappointed in him if he did. So screwing his nerves together, he exited the bathroom and went to the dressing room to wait for his call to the stage.

Chapter 6 My head felt groggy and there was a fire on my chest as I slowly woke from my drug induced nap. The lights overhead were very bright, hurting my eyes. I let out a little moan as I tried to raise my head. I must have disturbed who ever was in the room with me, because at that moment a shadow came between me and the bright light. With this shade, I was able to open my eyes a little more. At first the face staring back at me was fuzzy, but slowly it came into focus and I saw it was the worried expression of my partner. His identity was confirmed to me moments later when I heard him call out, "Nurse, Detective Grieg is awake." A nurse came in and I looked at her and then back at Muff and asked, "Am I in a hospital?" "Yeah, and we thought you were never going to wake up." "But how," I asked weakly. I tried to sit up, but my head felt like a lead balloon. I collapsed against the soft hospital pillow as the nurse said, "Let’s not try that again, honey. You had quite an ordeal. Just rest and I will call the doctor." She hurried out of the room and I looked at Muff. "What happened?" "I was just about to ask you that same question. You remember anything?" I closed my eyes in an effort to try to make sense of the thoughts swimming in my brain. "Where should I start?" "How about after you called me," Muff said, trying to help. "OK, well I went back to the apartment to shower, change and get a bite to eat. I typed up the interview I had with Mr. Beckman on my PC. Then I took a shower and changed. I was heating some soup on the stove when someone suddenly put his hands around my arms and mouth. He gave me just enough leeway to shut the stove off when the next thing I knew I was breathing in something noxious and I passed out. Then I woke up here." I kept my eyes closed the whole time I was relating this to Muff, hoping that I could concentrate better. But when I thought about where I was I opened my eyes full and looked at Muff and asked, "And how did I get here?" "Well that was our doing," Muff said, pointing to the other two detectives in the room. Up until now I was not cognoscente of their presence. Mike smiled at me weakly and Larry just nodded. Muff continued. "When several hours went by since I had heard from you I got worried. I tried calling you. The phone picked up on the first try, but when I tried to talk to you, there was no answer and then we were cut off. When I tried to call back, the line was busy. I tried several times in the next few minutes, but all I got was the same busy signal. I knew something was wrong, so I told Mike and Larry what was up and the three of us went to your apartment. We found you on the floor, unconscious. The doctor said you were drugged with something pretty powerful. The tox screen hasn’t come back yet." A horrible thought crossed my mind. I looked at Muff with more fear in my eyes than I had intended and he looked knowingly back at me. His uncanny ability to read my mind was working overtime. "The rape kit came back negative. He didn’t assault you that way," he whispered. I breathed a sigh of relief but winced when the fire on my chest intensified with the effort of my lungs. "Yeah, I bet it hurts like hell," Muff said. "What is wrong with my chest that it hurts like this?" I asked as I looked down to see it had been well bandaged. I tried to touch it, but that only set up new waves of pain." "Don’t mess with it, Jan. The doctor said it was cut pretty deep. Not that it won’t heal, but you can’t touch it for a while." "Cut?" A tear started to form in the corner of my eye. The pain was increasing. Muff must have known what was going on, because he asked Mike to get the nurse and ask for more pain medicine for me. He then looked back at me, but avoided my eyes as he tried to explain. "Janice, this case has become personal." I thought about the envelope with the picture of Muff and I and the accompanying note and said, "I know, I got something in the mail today." "You mean yesterday. I know; we found it when we searched your place looking for clues to your attack." "YESTERDAY??? How long have I been in here?" I practically yelled, with the only strength I had, which didn’t amount to more than a loud whisper. "Well it is almost 24 hours since we found you," Larry answered. "Muff, you have to tell her," he added, addressing Muff. "Would it be better if we left you alone with her to tell her?" The nurse came back in with Mike at this point and without a word, stuck a needle in my IV. Seeing the puzzled look on my face, she said, "Just something for the pain." Turning to the other gentlemen in the room she added, "Detective Greig needs to rest. It might be best to finish this interrogation at another time." I knew the nurse was right, but now my curiosity was piqued. "Can Muff… I mean Detective Kovack, stay for a few more minutes. I promise to kick him out after that?" "OK, but the doctor wants to talk to your friends in a few minutes anyway, so don’t be long. You need to rest. Your body has been traumatized and will only heal if you let it." She and Mike and Larry left the room and Muff went over to the light switch and shut off the brightest of the lights. One small night light remained on by the bathroom door. In the near darkness, he pulled up a chair near the head of the bed and sat down. I could feel the pain meds starting to take effect, but I fought the sleepiness they induced so I could hear what Muff had to tell me. Muff let out a large sigh. I could barely make out his features in the near darkness, but somehow I could see his big brown eyes starting to swell with tears. "Janice," he began, almost choking on the words. "The picture and the letter weren’t the only things your assailant left in the apartment." "He didn’t leave them; I got them in the mail. I went down after my shower, remembering I hadn’t checked my mailbox on the way up. The package was in the mail. I used gloves this time when I opened it, to preserve the evidence…." my head was swimming again with the effects of the medicine. It suddenly dawned on me what Muff was trying to tell me. "What do you mean? What did he leave in my apartment?" "Janice, the nearest we can ascertain, your perp musta been in your apartment for at least two to three hours before he left and we got there." "Two to three hours?!?!" None of this was making sense. An overwhelming sense of violation set into my psyche. Muff had told me I wasn’t sexually assaulted, but knowing that my assailant had been with me for so long made me wonder what lie under the bandages, what cause my chest to burn with hellfire. Looking at the way Muff’s silhouetted figure slouched in his chair, I knew this wasn’t going to be easy for him to tell me. I reached over and took his hand and said, "Please, these pain meds are starting to work and I might not be able to stay awake much longer. What did he do to me?" I think Muff took some courage from my hand and words, because he took another deep breath and said, "Jan, this guy is sick, you have to understand that. He must have given you something pretty powerful, because you were out of it the whole time he cut you." I took my hand out of his and put it back on my chest. "What did he do to me?" I whispered. "He took a very sharp scalpel, probably similar to the one he used on those boys, and carved some letters on the top of your chest." "Letters? What does it say?" I said, groggily. I was starting to lose the battle with the pain medicine. "Maybe I should show you the picture we took when we were processing the crime scene… I mean your apartment," he added apologetically. "OK," I said weakly. He took a photo from his briefcase and held it up to my face. Even though there wasn’t much light in the room, I could make out some writing. The thing of it was I couldn’t make out the words. There were two, one over each of my breasts. But in the darkness, it looked as if the letters were backwards. I looked at Muff with puzzlement in my languid eyes. "You are right, they are backwards," he said, knowingly. "Seems this nut used a mirror to carve this. When it didn’t make sense, I held the photo up to a mirror." He took a mirror out of his case and held it up to the picture. In bloody letters, I read with horror, "SPIC LOVER." I am not sure if it was shock, the effects of the pain meds or a combination of both, but I passed out. Right before I did, my last thought was that he wanted me to see this every time I looked at myself in the mirror. ii I am not sure how long I had been out this time, but when I started to drift back into reality, I heard the voices of my partners talking in quiet, but intense, whispers around my bed. I knew how hard it had been for Muff to show me the picture of my chest carvings, and I knew that he did it because he couldn’t come out and say it in words. I tried not to resent this. I realized they were just trying to be chivalrous and protect me from the worst that had been done to me. Still, knowing this, I knew that I would probably hear more of the truth pretending to still be asleep and allowing them to talk around me then to wake at this moment and beg to hear it all. I was glad I did. The first think I could make out was Muff’s voice. "Well it wasn’t something I could just blurt out, could I?" "Jeez, Muff, but to show her?" That was Mike’s voice. "What were you thinking?" "She has seen worse, I am sure," answered Muff, with a bit of resentment in his voice. "You never did explain the picture," added Larry, matter-of-factly. I wondered how Muff was going to explain it. "Oh that, it was nothing really, very innocent, Muff said, offhandedly. "This guy is making more of it than is there. We just went for a ride on our day off, to try to clear our heads of this whole matter. You have to admit, it is getting to us. And in that shot, Jan was getting a bit seasick and laid her head on me in an attempt to feel better." Muff paused and added, "It creeps me out to think that this guy was and still is stalking us." I thought about Muff’s last statement. I hadn’t had the time to think about this angle, but he was right, it was creepy. And on top of it, I didn’t have a clue why he would be targeting us, besides the fact that we were the lead investigators on the case. My mind wasn’t working as fast as I wanted it to, so it didn’t dawn on me till later that the picture our perp took was before we had been officially assigned to oversee this set of cases. In fact it was before we knew what we were really dealing with. So the angle about us being the leads wasn’t a viable one. I felt bad for Muff, getting the third degree from the other guys, so I decided it was time to "wake up" and get him off the hook. I moaned slightly, trying to be convincing. I hoped they would buy it and not realize I had been eavesdropping on their conversation. "Nurse...," I whispered, searching for the call button, but keeping my eyes closed. I felt someone fumbling around on my left side, digging in the covers, I supposed, for the call button. I could hear Mike call out for the nurse and I slowly opened my eyes to find Muff the one trying to assist me. "You in pain again?" "A little," I answered weakly, putting my hand on the bandage covering that cursed phrase carved on me. "I am really thirsty too." The nurse showed up at this point and gently maneuvered Muff out of her way by my side. "What can I get for you?" "I am really thirsty. Can I have something to drink?" She looked at my chart and said, "No restrictions on food or drink. I will get you something. Do you want soda, water or juice?" "Water would be fine for now," I answered. She left to retrieve it. Muff moved right back to my side, taking her place. "Can I help you with anything?" I couldn’t be one hundred percent certain, but I was beginning to sense that Muff was feeling guilty for what happened to me. His hovering was a big clue. I smiled at him and said, "Could you help me to sit up a little?" "Sure thing," he answered. He found the mechanism that operated the bed and I could hear the motors grind as the top of the bed rose behind my back. It was a good thing that it moved slowly, cause I could feel the blood rush out of my brain. I started to get dizzy and waved for him to stop. "What’s wrong?" Muff asked, with very obvious worry in his voice. "Nothing serious," I managed to answer. After another moment of silence, I was able to add, "my head is still a little dizzy from the attack. This is probably as far as I should have it for now. It is enough." Muff nodded and I could see he was a bit relieved it wasn’t serious, but worry still resided on his face. I couldn’t see the other detectives very well from my vantage point, Muff was blocking most of my view of that side of the room. I wondered what they were making of all of this fuss. "Can you bring me a mirror?" I knew he would think this was a strange request, but I wanted to see how bad I looked. If it was half as bad as I felt, I must have looked a fright. "You think that is such a good idea?" Muff answered. "You are banged up pretty bad. "Yes, I have to know. This is still an open investigation and I am still one of the lead detectives on the case. I am just collecting evidence." I said, trying to sound professional, even in my weakened state. Muff grinned, the first one I had seen since I had woke up in the hospital, and shook his head. "Hard headed as always." He left my bedside and went out into the hall, I presumed in search of the mirror I had requested. I took the opportunity of his not being with me to call Mike over. "Whacha need Jan," Mike responded as he came to my side. "Is he all right?" I asked him, meaning Muff. He caught on and answered, "Yeah, I guess. He has been a wreck since we found you, but he processed your apartment like a pro. He tries not to let on, but I think he is kicking himself for not being there to prevent this." "I kinda figured that one out myself. I don’t know what he thinks he could have done, I mean, I don’t need a baby-sitter..." I realized how that sounded. "I mean, well, he can’t be at my side 24-7 you know. I have a life outside of police work. It isn’t much of one, but..." I realized I was digging myself deeper and not making much sense. "Hey, don’t worry about it. I know what you mean. And I am sure he knows he isn’t going to be there for you all the time. It is a partner thing, you know." Boy did I ever, thinking of Jim. "Yeah, that is what I figured. I hope you don’t think that there is anything between...." I couldn’t finish the sentence, the words stuck in my throat. "No, no, I mean, we wondered, but Muff assured us it is strictly all business between you two. Partners can get closer than most, it is the nature of needing each other in moments of danger. Sometimes I wonder if we are married to our wives or our partners more. And with you two being opposite genders, well, people can get the wrong idea. I think that is what this perp has done, cause I dunno why he would care." I shook my head and said, "I haven’t a clue about that one myself." The nurse came back in with a tray containing a plastic pitcher, a plastic cup and a straw. She put it on the table beside my bed and looked at the other people in the room and left. I guess she figured I had plenty of help getting the drink I requested. She did remark to Larry on the way out that if I needed anything else, they could call her. Mike removed the plastic wrapper from the straw and placed it in the cup. He then poured a little water from the pitcher into the cup. I was able to push myself up a little more in the bed and reached for the cup as he handed it to me. I could feel the coolness on the sides of the cup and I tried to maneuver the straw to my mouth. Mike moved it into position so I could get it. I only had enough energy for a few sips before I gave it back to him. Muff came in while Mike was putting the cup back on the table. Mike moved back to the chair he was sitting in as Muff took his place once again by my side. "I got one, it wasn’t easy. I guess people don’t like to look at themselves around here. All the mirrors are on the walls. But one of the nurses had a compact. I hope this will be big enough." He opened the compact and handed it to me. I took it and closed my eyes as I raised it to my face. I braced myself for what I was about to see. When I opened my eyes, I saw that the perp had left some bruises around my eyes and cheeks. My hair was matted, but that was probably from being in the hospital bed. Other than that, I didn’t look too bad. "He musta been pretty sore at me to hit me like this." I remarked, trying not to sound too upset. "Yeah, I dunno why he would want to mess up a pretty face like that." Mike said, trying to lighten the mood. I smiled, "Thanks, Mike. I could always count on you for a complement." I looked at my face again and said. "This isn’t too bad. I wonder why my head feels like he took a baseball bat to it or something." Muff explained, " Well that isn’t because of the beating, but a combination of the drug he used and the fact that you lost a lot of blood." Now I was confused, "Lost blood?" Muff continued. "The doctor said that the bruising around the cheeks was probably from a hand slap, probably several, but the bruising around your eyes was from the loss of blood and the drugs. When he carved you, you bled out pretty bad. We thought you were going to die from that alone. They gave you several pints in the operating room when they stitched you up. "Oh," I said, realizing some more the trama I went through when I was unconscious. Wondering how I could have ‘slept’ through all of that I asked, "Did the doctor find out what he gave me to knock me out?" "Well the tox screen wasn’t very conclusive, but the doctor’s opinion is that the perp might have used Isoflurane or Enflurane to initially knock you out." I looked at him like he was speaking Greek. He saw and said, "The doc said these are animal anesthetics used by vets that work pretty quick. But they don’t last very long and they don’t have the level of pain killers needed to do what he did to your chest." Muff spoke slowly. I realized it wasn’t easy for him to talk to me about what happened to me. "And because they are breathed in, they don’t last long in the body. The doc also found traces of cocaine in your system. He did find a small puncture wound near where he -- used the scalpel on you. He figured that it musta been injected before he worked on you as a local anesthetic. I didn’t know this, but apparently they used to use cocaine as an anesthetic back when they were first learning to do surgery. No respectable doctor uses it now, cause it is addictive, but I guess with cocaine so readily available illegally, our guy musta thought it was the best thing to use. We have always thought that he has some background in medicine. Look at the way he handles a scalpel." I wince when he said that and put my hand to my chest again, remembering the picture Muff had shown me earlier. He immediately fell all over himself apologizing to me. "Oh man, I am soooo sorry, Jan. It is hard to know when to be professional about this and to know when it is personal." "Don’t worry about it. I was the one who wanted to discuss it like a case. It is hard not to think of it personally happening to me though." "I know," Muff said in a low voice. "It is hard enough seeing what some people will do to others, but when it is someone you know and well..." he didn’t finish, but looked around and must have remembered he wasn’t alone with me. I knew what he was trying to say. It was like Mike was saying to me earlier. Partners, by the nature of the job, are closer to you than most people. I started to grow tired again. I laid my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes. "Did the doctor say when I could get out of here?" I heard Muff’s voice as he answered. "As soon as you feel like you are ready to. He said that the pain might be kinda intense for a few days, but overall you are OK. I think it might be good if you spent at least another day in here to rest and recover." I opened my eyes and smiled weakly. The pain was growing more intense. "Yes, Dr. Kovack." Muff started to smile and then concern replaced the smile. He reached for the call button and pressed it. The voice squawked through the speaker "Yes, can I help you?" "Detective Grieg might be in need of more medicine for her pain. She is having some distress," Muff responded. He wasn’t wrong, the fire in my chest had come back with a vengeance and I clutched it and breathed heavy. "I’ll be right there," the voice said. A few minutes went by and the nurse came in with a syringe. She placed it on the table next to my bed and checked my vital signs. She asked me about my pain and then injected the contents of the syringe into my IV line. Soon the pain started to subside and I felt groggy again. The nurse told the guys that it was time for me to rest and Mike and Larry took the hint and left the room. Muff stayed behind long enough to take my hand again and put his mouth next to my left ear. As I drifted into a drug induced sleep I heard him whisper, "We will get the guy who did this to you, Jan. I swear on my parents’ grave we will." Then I felt his lips press against my left cheek as he placed a kiss upon it. I guess he left after that, cause I don’t remember much else. iii The next day the doctor signed the release forms and I was able to go home. In the last twenty four hours, the guys had been over my apartment with a fine toothed comb, collecting all the evidence they could and getting it to the lab. Muff came to visit me a few more times, but didn’t stay too long, just long enough to keep me up on what they were doing. I was needing the pain medication less frequently, so I was itching to get out with them and find this guy. Like Muff said when told me about what had happened to my chest, it was now personal. Muff helped me with the few things they had brought to me while I was in the hospital. He had brought me some clothes so I could change. I had been in the hospital gown the whole time and was glad to get some regular clothes on. I had him bring me an old sweat shirt and pants, figuring that these would be the easiest to put on. It was kinda embarrassing to think he went through my underwear draw to get me pair of clean panties, I didn’t bother with the bra since I was still bandaged up in that area. He brought his car around to the entrance of the hospital and then helped me out of the wheel chair the hospital staff insists you must use to get to your car. I was never so grateful to get away from that place. I never liked hospitals, but I guess most people don’t. Muff drove me to the apartment, filling me in on the preliminary things the crime lab found. I knew I would have to look through my things to see what had been disturbed. I just laid back and closed my eyes and listened to what he had to tell me. "There were no finger prints in the whole place except the ones we expect to find there. Seems this guy used gloves." "I think I remember his hands covered with gloves, but the memories are still a little fuzzy," I answered. "We did find some stuff on your computer. We had it dusted for fingerprints, but I fought to have it left it at the apartment. I didn’t bring it up before ‘cause I wanted you to get your rest. It isn’t pleasant. Seems this guy might know you, from the note he left. Funny thing is, I don’t think he erased anything. But one thing is for certain, I think he knows all we know about the cases, if not from first hand knowledge, then from reading your files. I thought we could go over what he wrote together, since you have a better idea what was on your computer than I do." I tried not to think about him touching my things. I felt so violated, even if I knew he didn’t rape me. I thought about the last two days in the hospital and what my body had gone through. All of a sudden another thought entered my mind, one that had nothing to do with the case. "Muff, did anyone phone my mother about this?" "Your family was contacted. We decided that it would be better to talk to your brother first. He was going to fly east, but we told him that you were OK. He asked us to let him phone your mother. She did phone me once asking about you, I was able to reassure her that you were OK," Muff answered. I had to smile a little through my pain. I could imagine how that conversation went. I was surprised my mother wasn’t banging down the doors of the hospital trying to see me. "Didn’t she ask to see me?" A huge grin broke out on Muff’s face. "Ask wouldn’t be the exact work I would have called it. More like demanded. But I was able to assure her that you were fine and that you would call her the minute you were released." He handed me his cell phone. I knew exactly what he wanted me to do. I dialed the number. "Hello?" I heard on the other end. There was an anxiousness in my mother’s frail voice. I felt bad I hadn’t thought to call her before this. All the morphine on top of what the perp had given me made my mind too cloudy to think straight. I took a deep breath and said, "It’s Jan, mom." "Oh my God, baby, are you OK? The cops wouldn’t tell me anything!" she practically shouted in my ear. I could see from the expression on Muff’s face that he heard every word she was saying, or more to the point, shouting. I tried to concentrate on my mother and let Muff drive. "I’m fine, mom. You know me, hard to keep a soldier down," I chuckled, trying to deflect some of my mother’s obvious worry. "I knew this would happen to you one day, damn fool daughter wanting to be a cop. I want you to come home and spend some time here resting," she said. Muff pulled the Impala into a parking spot in front of my building and cut the engine. He got out and came around the other side of the car to open the door for me. I didn’t mind this act of chivalry, I was hurting too much to protest if I had minded. I continued to reassure my mother that I was OK and that I would come to visit her real soon, but I was needed to help my partner find out who did this to me. She wasn’t real happy about that. As we climbed the stairs in front of my building, Muff signaled to me to let him have the phone. I reluctantly gave it to him, not knowing what to expect. "Mother Greig? This is Detective Kovack. Remember I spoke to you on the phone a couple of days ago?" Silence for a few minutes as we entered the building and slowly made our way up to my apartment. Then he said, "Yes, she is fine. I have brought her back to her place and I will make sure she has round the clock protection and care. She wasn’t hurt that badly." Again silence. I could hear her talking on the other end, but the words were too garbled to understand. I took my key out and opened the door and we entered. "No, Mother Greig, I will make sure she isn’t alone. And we will come out to see you tomorrow. I hope you don’t mind having another person for Sunday dinner?" I could hear that her voice had gotten lower. I was amazed at the way my partner was charming my mother. His slow, soothing voice was having an effect on her. "Yes, Mother Grieg, 11 A.M. sharp. We will be there. Rest easy. She is in good hands." He listened a few more minutes and then said, "Yes, here she is," and handed the phone back to me. I sat down on my sofa to finish my conversation with her as Muff went into the kitchen to put on a kettle of hot water for tea. "Mom?" I said. "Honey, your nice partner said he would make sure you are safe. He seems like a nice young man. Are you going to be well enough to come tomorrow for dinner?" "Yes, mom, I keep telling you I am fine, just a little banged up. And we will be there, like Muff told you." "Uh, there is one more thing...." my mom said in a lower voice, hesitantly. "Yes?" "Uh..mm.. the man who did this, he didn’t... um... you know..." I could hear in her voice that she was uncomfortable asking the question that I knew she was trying to ask. I had to smile a bit, thinking of how her generation couldn’t talk about such unpleasant things in polite company. "No, mom," I said in my most soothing voice. "The doctors told me that he didn’t violate me that way." "Well that is a good thing anyway," she answered. I could tell by her voice she was beginning to cry. I didn’t want to upset her anymore, and I was tired, so I told her I loved her and said my good-byes. It took a few more minutes to get her to hang up, but she finally did. By the time I pressed the end button on the cell phone and put it down on the end table by the sofa, Muff was bringing in my tea. "She going to be OK?" Muff asked me. I took the cup from his hands and took a sip and allowed the soothing liquid to relax me. "I think so, as much as she can be. I know seeing her tomorrow will go a long way to set her mind at ease." I took another sip and added, "I think she likes you, you know." Muff raised one eyebrow as he sat beside me on the sofa with his cup of tea in his hand. "Oh, really? What makes you think that?" "Oh I wouldn’t know," I teased. "Maybe it was that Latin charm of yours." Muff grinned, but acted astonished. He was about to throw a quip my direction but I cut him off. "Seriously though, thank you for talking to her. I guess I am too close to her to really be effective in helping her not to worry." "No problem. Glad to help. What’s a partner for!" We sat in silence, drinking our tea for a few minutes. Something about the conversation came back to me. "What did you mean when you told her that I would be having round the clock protection and care?" "Well, we talked to the captain and he is in agreement that you should have someone here to stay with you for a while." "I hope that you don’t think I can’t take care of myself! One little incident and...." Muff sensed I was on the defensive about what had happened. "No, I know you are tough and will be over this soon. We just thought that it might be wise to wait a few days before having you stay here by yourself. I would have had you come and stay at my place, honestly it might be safer, but I knew you wouldn’t agree to that. I know you are out of the hospital, but your body is still getting over the trama this guy put it through. Until you are 100% better and can fend off attackers, I thought it might be better to have someone here." I knew he was right, but the thought of some strange police woman spending the night in my place didn’t appeal to me. "Who is going to be here?" "That’s up to you. It’s your life and your place. The NYPD is ready to assign a uniform policewoman to the job, if you want that." "Actually, no I don’t." But I didn’t know what else would be acceptable either, so I didn’t add any suggestions of my own. Muff sensed that the conversation was beginning to become awkward. He took our empty mugs into the kitchen and put them in the sink. "There is another suggestion, but I don’t want you to get the wrong idea if I suggest it." I laid back against the soft cushions of the couch and closed my eyes. The trip home and the conversation with my mother had worn me out more than I realized. "What is that?" I asked him weakly. He came back into the living room and sat beside me once again. "Are you all right?" he asked with much concern in his voice. I opened my eyes and looked at him. "I’m fine, just tired, I guess." "Maybe you should take a nap for a while. I’ll be here till you decide on what you want. I have my stuff here and I can even get Mike and Larry to stop by and we can work on things from here. I am sure they have the final forensics report on the attack back by now." I was too weak to argue. I let him take me to my room and turn down the covers on my bed. I hadn’t had someone tuck me in since I was very little. He kissed me gently on the forehead and I drifted off to sleep. iv It was dark when I woke up. I rolled over and looked at the digits on my alarm clock. They glowed a crimson 8:30. Groggily I rolled back on my back and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes. I thought back on the past several days and wondered if I would ever be myself again. Everyone had assured me I would be OK, but when you are in the middle of recovery, you never seem to see the end of it. I wondered if Muff was still around, and what he had been up to the many hours while I had been sleeping. The pain in my chest wasn’t as bad as it had been, but the meds I took before I went to sleep had definitely worn off. I actually welcomed a little of the pain, it helped shake the cobwebs from my mind. All I could think about was how badly I wanted a shower. While I was in the hospital, all they would do was give me sponge baths, carefully avoiding my bandaged chest. They don’t bother with your hair unless you specifically ask them, and I was in no shape to do that. Now the matted locks felt nasty and my scalp began to itch. I wondered how much I could do without doing harm to my wounds. I searched my memory for all the information the doctor gave me when he was checking me out. I did remember that I was OK to bathe, so long as I kept the bandaged area dry. That meant a shower was out unless I could find a way to waterproof the bandages. While I was contemplating how I would be able to manage it, a quiet knock sounded on my door. "I guess that answered my question about Muff," I thought to myself as I answered the knock with a, "I’m awake." Muff slowly entered the room and asked if he could turn on a light. I told him it would be OK and shielded my eyes to the brightness, waiting for them to adjust. He came over to the bed and reached out his hand as if to silently ask if I needed help getting up. I put my hands in his and slowly lifted myself into a sitting position. It is amazing to discover how much you depend on those mechanical beds in the hospital when you are without them at home. I smiled a grateful smile at him and said, "I feel like I have been through the trenches in Iraq. I need a shower, badly!" Muff sat down next to me on the bed and replied, "Well the doc said it was OK, but you can’t get that bandage wet." "I know, I have been laying here thinking of a way to get around that." Muff thought a minute and said, "Sounds like the only way is another GI bath, like they gave you in the hospital. You think you can manage that?" I looked at him and smiled, "I guess I have to, I mean there isn’t anyone else here to help me!" For the first time since I had known my partner, he blushed. He had been so sweet and worried about me that he didn’t even have time to think of me in that regard. There was an awkward silence that I finally broke. "I’ll be fine, but I wish I could get my hair washed. I dunno if I can do that by myself yet." "Oh I can help you with that if you like," Muff answered, his face noticeably relieved. "Why don’t you go and clean up the rest of you and when you are done come into the kitchen. Bring your shampoo and a towel and I will wash it at the kitchen sink where there is a sprayer." "Sounds like a plan," I answered. "Thanks." "De nada," he said as he got up and left the room. I was able to make my way to the bathroom with a little difficulty. The pain was low level and constant. I knew when I was finished making myself more presentable I would have to take my pain meds, but I was holding off. Even with the pain, it was good to be alert again. Even a GI bath was a bit of an ordeal, only because I was being meticulous, especially around the bandage. After I was done, I dressed in clean clothes and took a few towels from the linen closet along with my shampoo and conditioner and made my way out to the kitchen. Muff had the stool I kept by refrigerator set up by the sink. It was one of those old fashioned type step stools that had a seat at the top with a back. The seat and back were covered with a red vinyl seat and there were two steps that collapsed underneath its aluminum frame. I had picked it up at a yard sale years ago. I was able to sit on it and lean my head back over my sink. I had draped my upper body with a few towels and even had put a plastic bag over my bandage under the towels to make sure no water would get on it. Muff tested the temperature of the water and asked me to feel it as well. It seemed fine to me. He lifted the sprayer from the side of the sink and wet my hair down. Helping himself to a generous portion of the shampoo he began to lather it in my hair, massaging my scalp. It felt wonderful. I asked him if he had ever had occasion to do this, because he would have made a terrific hair dresser. He laughed and said that his mother used to ask him to wash her hair from time to time. She had arthritis really bad and had a hard time lifting her arms up to wash her own hair. He added that he was glad I was enjoying it, cause he wasn’t sure if he was doing it right. I told him it felt wonderful and he kept massaging my scalp for a few more minutes. Finally he rinsed my hair and applied the rinse out conditioner. After a final rinse he put a towel around my wet locks and helped me to sit up. I took the twisted towel and hair from him and began to rub the excess water from my hair. He asked me if I wanted him to comb and blow dry it. I was in an amiable mood and said sure. I dunno what had gotten into me, because I am fiercely self sufficient. I told him where I kept the blow dryer and my brush and comb. My hair wasn’t too long, but I knew that raising my arms to manipulate the dryer and comb would put too much strain on the muscles leading to my injured chest. I fought hard against the need I had to take the pain meds. The throbbing was increasing, but I didn’t want to go back to sleep for a while, and I knew the meds would make me sleepy again. Muff returned with the blow dryer and I went into the living room on a chair near an outlet. He was very gentle, not only making sure my hair was dry, but even styling it up a bit for me. I thanked him for taking the time to do this, and he said that he knew what it was like to feel miserable, and he hoped his little efforts would ease some of that misery for me. I smiled, knowing he was still feeling guilty for not being there for me. I knew there was nothing he could have done to prevent the attack, but I also knew that he wouldn’t listen if I pleaded a case against his guilty feelings. I decided it was best to just let it drop. When he was done he returned the hair stuff to the bathroom and I moved over to the couch where it was more comfortable. Muff came back out and asked me if I was hungry. I told him a little and he went into the kitchen to fix me a sandwich. While he was busy with that I asked him what he had been doing all afternoon while I was asleep. He filled me in on the investigation. He said that the other two members on our team had been over with the forensics report on my attack and they had put their heads together over it and the other evidence trying to make some sense out of it, but to be honest, they hadn’t really been able to get very far. There had been no new developments, and to the relief of the whole team, there had been no new cases either. Muff brought my sandwich and a Coke out to me and set up the TV tray table I kept by the side of the sofa. As I ate, he continued telling me what they found. "The perp left no prints that we could find. No DNA either. This guy knew exactly what he was doing. The only evidence he left was the letter on your computer. I printed out a copy of it for you to read when you were feeling better. We didn’t seem to get the full significance from it. We were hoping you would be able to understand it better." He handed me a printout of the letter from my computer. He told me they left the file on my computer in case the tech boys might be able to find any other trace evidence on it. He told me that they wanted my PC as soon as I would be willing to release it to them. I told them that it would be OK, but I should check all my files to see if anything was added or missing. I took the letter and quietly read it while he paced the floor. My dearest Jan, Sorry if this seems a bit informal, but you see, I feel I really know you enough to call you dearest. I have admired you for so long that I know if you knew my feelings you would feel the same way. I have followed your career and especially these cases with much interest. You know I have only done what I have for you, my dearest. I want you so bad, that when I see you around other guys it makes my blood boil. It is a shame you have elected to be with those of inferior races. You are too beautiful to be with that spic partner of yours. If I had any influence in the NYPD I would have you assigned someplace safe with people of your own kind. I didn’t want to mark you up like that, but you made me so mad. I have kept all my love tokens and hope to show them to you one day, to show you how much I love you. Those subhumans had no business being with the likes of you, or anyone that looked like you. That is why I had to kill them. But I only did it for you, my darling. Promise me you will give up this madness and get away from that spic as soon as you can. Then the killing can stop. I will be in touch as soon as I know you will not give me up. I am counting on your love to keep me safe from prosecution. Then we can go away together and be happy forever. If you don’t agree to this, there will be more killings. If I could get my hands on that spic, he would be next, but he would be a hard one to get. What a trophy he would be, though, the ultimate token of my love for you. I look at the others and think what his would look like sitting side by side with my other specimens. They are a poor lot compared to me. Call off the police and I will give myself up to you, and you alone. I know you wouldn’t let them touch me. I know you would see my tokens as the symbols of my love I meant them to be. You can’t really care about these subhumans. I know you are the true beauty of our superior race. I will take care of you and make sure you have the care you need. I can reverse what I did to you if you will just come to me. I have skill. Let me know what your answer is, my love. When you quit the investigation I will know your answer and come to you again. Your Aryan Lover A.D.Venger I let out a shudder as I read the letter. "Oh my God," I exclaimed. Muff took the letter from me as I held it out to him. "This nut seems to know me. Why me?" I said as I finally broke down and cried. I had tried to be strong during this whole ordeal, but the knowledge that somehow I was the reason this guy killed those innocent men and mutilate them overwhelmed me to the point of a break down. Muff came over to my side and let me put my head on his shoulder as the tears came pouring out. "Jan, this guy is a nut. It isn’t your fault. You didn’t ask him to kill. You have to believe me when I tell you that he is totally to blame." "Yes, but what if he is sincere about it stopping if I call off the investigation. If one more person dies because I didn’t do what he asked, I don’t know if I could live with that person’s death on my head." Muff took my chin firmly in his hand and put my head directly in front of his. His large dark eyes riveted themselves directly at mine, so hypnotic was his serious stare I couldn’t help but look directly into them. He was all business as he spoke. "Detective Greig, we will catch this nut. There will be no talk of quitting. If he kills again, he does. It is not our place to let him get off. The blood of his other victims cries out for justice, and we will bring him to justice. Please promise me you will not do anything foolish to put yourself in harm’s way again. Who knows what he would do if he had you." Muff was right and I knew it. Still I knew the key to catching this guy might rest in my hands. I had to form a plan of action and I knew that finding a weakness in this man might be the way to catch him. But right now I knew I was too spent emotionally to formulate a plan right now. I asked him to help me over to the computer so I could check my files. He helped me to the computer chair and then went back to the sofa. I told him to help himself to the TV that I might be a while looking through all my files. As I perused my hard drive, Muff flipped channels, seeing what was on. He finally settled on the last innings of the Yankee game. It was good that he was watching baseball, the drone of it kept my mind focused on what I was doing. After about 45 minutes, I told him that it looked like everything was there and nothing besides the letter had been added, at least to my weary eyes. The crime lab could have my PC in the morning and see what they could find. When I was done, I knew I would have to have those pain meds. I was now several hours overdue and the pain was becoming unbearable. Muff might have seen me wince when I got up and he asked me if I needed something for the pain. I said yes and he quickly got up and got them for me, with a glass of water. I took them and went to the bathroom to take care of other things. While I was in there, Muff had cleared up the remains of the dinner he had fixed me and straightened out my bed. When I came out of the bathroom he pointed to the bed and said, "It would be a good idea if you got more rest. Unless something develops between now and then, we will go to your mom’s tomorrow. You will need your rest for that." The meds were starting to work and I felt my muscles start to feel like jelly. "Well I am in no position to argue with you. Are you planning on spending the night?" "Yes, but only because you never gave me directions to the contrary. Larry and Mike stayed with you for a bit this afternoon so I could go to my place, freshen up and get some things. I can sleep on your couch. I’ll be fine." "OK. There is a blanket and pillow in the closet in the hall. I hope you get some sleep." I collapsed on the bed and Muff helped me get tucked in. "I’ll be fine. You just rest. I’ll see you in the morning." I smiled weakly. "Thanks, Muff. I appreciate your taking care of me." "Shh, mi socia. Buenas noches." He kissed me on the cheek and I fell asleep. vi Muff must have slept in late, cause he didn’t come in to wake me till it was almost 11. It had been well after midnight before I had gone to bed, so I felt really rested from the long sleep. The doctor had instructed me to change the bandage the day after I had gotten out of the hospital. He had given me some medicine to spread on the stitches so that the wounds would heal and it would lessen the chance of scarring. The doctor said he would look at some plastic surgery in the future to take care of any leftover scarring. Some of the cuts had been deep, but he was convinced that I would heal. He only had to put a few stitches in them, opting to butterfly the parts that weren’t as deep. I didn’t tell Muff I was going to take the bandage off, thinking that the less he knew about what I saw the better. I prepared myself for the worse, remembering the picture Muff had shown me in the hospital. That picture was taken before the stitching. When I removed the bandage in front of the bathroom mirror, no small feat since the medical tape hurt like hell as I pealed it away from my bruised skin, I could make out the general outline of the words but they were obscured by some of the work the doctors had done on them. I gently cleansed the wounds as the doctor instructed only using some warm water and cotton swabs. Then I applied the salve I was given using some more swabs. I tried to clean some of the adhesive off my skin where the tape had left it, but it proved too tough for right now. Not wanting to accidentally pop my stitches and do more damage, I left them and dried the whole area with the lint free cloth the hospital had give me. Then I re-bandaged the whole area with a fresh bandage and went about my morning hygiene routine. After another GI bath, I felt as fresh as I could. My hair seemed to respond to my attention, to my amazement. Muff had done a great job styling it last night. I wonder if my mother would notice how nice it looked and ask me how I got it to look that way. I got dressed and exited my bedroom. Muff looked at me and said, "Mami, you look great." "Well it is amazing how a good night’s sleep will help a person feel their best. And having a great hairdresser helps too!" I gave him a little wink. Muff smiled. "Just trying to help." Then he picked up his shaving kit and his clothes and asked if he could avail himself of my shower. I told him to help himself, that the towels were in the linen closet. While he showered and got ready, I fixed us some breakfast. It felt good to get back to as normal a life as I was allowed. I had the eggs and sausage on the table and was pouring the coffee when he entered the kitchen, looking very handsome in his light blue golf style shirt and tan chinos. His hair glistened from the dampness that was still in it from the shower. I gathered that he let it air dry. That might have been what made it so soft looking all the time. He told me he was glad I was starting to feel better, owning to the breakfast that sat on the table. I said that I felt like I had to get back into a more normal routine. We sat and ate in relative silence. I am not sure what was going through his mind, but all I kept thinking was how natural this felt, having him in my kitchen sharing a meal. A small shot of pain in my chest brought me back to the reality of why he was here and I kicked myself for thinking the thoughts that had been going through my mind. Maybe it was the anticipation of my mother’s reaction to Muff that had me thinking about what life would be like if Muff was more than my partner in crime. But I knew that I had to stay focused on work, or we would never catch this guy. Muff offered to do the dishes and I went in to take more medication. I decided I should only take half a dose, in order to keep my wits about me. The doctor told me I could start backing off the meds as I felt I needed to. There was no minimum dosage, only a maximum. I was determined to wean myself off of them as soon as I could. Over the counter pain meds would be good enough after a while. The quicker I could get to that place, the better it would be for me to concentrate on my job. I found myself rambling on about my mom and my youth as we drove out to Queens. I didn’t own a car, so traveling out in one felt strange. It also brought back memories of when my dad was alive. He insisted on picking me up on Sundays, not liking me to take public transportation. After his death, I had no choice, although my mother worried about me using the train all the time. I was telling Muff all about the trips my dad and I would take out to the end of the Island when he was alive. I said the eastern end of Long Island was sorta like the Cloisters were for him. It was an escape from the real world. I had not been out there since my dad passed on. Muff promised we would take a drive out there someday. My mom was waiting by the door when we drove up. Muff had called her on his cell phone, telling her what his car looked like so she wouldn’t be alarmed when it pulled into her driveway. She still had the garage, but my dad’s old Buick was sold when he died. I had contemplated taking it, but decided I really didn’t need the expense of a car. We greeted her by the door and she led us into the kitchen. She asked us to sit down at the table and proceeded to pour us each a cup of coffee. She asked Muff a ton of questions about himself and asked me how I was getting along. We must have talked for a couple of hours while she finished fixing dinner. My mother loved to cook, but in recent years kept her fare simple, owing to the fact that it was just the two of us. She really outdid herself this day, I guess because we had company. She fixed a pot roast with all the trimmings. As always, she made too much and tried to get Muff to eat more than he could hold. He was polite and tried to please her. I felt bad for him, knowing how uncomfortable he would be feeling later. When dinner was over, Muff insisted on helping with the dishes. I wanted to help as well, but my mother wouldn’t let me. I normally did the dishes on Sundays, but she was still fussing over me about my attack. I tried to tell her that I was feeling much better, but she was able to get Muff on her side and the two of them insisted that I remain seated. I did convince them to let me dry some dishes as I sat at the table. This she let me do. I told my mother that I wanted to take Muff back to see my dad’s den, if it would be OK with her. She said it would be fine, that she needed to call my brother while we were back there. I lead Muff down the long hall to the back of the house. My dad’s den had been a bedroom on the original house plans. There were two bedrooms downstairs and two upstairs. My parents decided that since they only had two children, the spare bedroom would be better used as his den. Muff looked around while I told him about my father. There were pictures of the two of us on our various travels over the years. Muff asked me why my mother wasn’t in the pictures and I told him my mother hated long car rides. I showed him my dad’s pipe and related how on Sunday afternoons I would spend hours in this room thinking about my dad. Muff nodded when I told him that I felt like my dad was with me when I was in here. "I sometimes feel like that when I am at the park near my apartment. My mother used to take me there as a child and sometimes I go there and sit on the bench looking at the moms and kids on the playground equipment and think about her." I had offered Muff my dad’s old lounge chair and I sat on the other chair in the room. We reminisced some more about our childhood’s and then sat in silence for a while. Finally Muff said we should go and see where my mother was, that she might wonder why we were back there so long. I grinned and told him that I suspected my mother would be pleased, she was so hell bent on getting me hitched. I felt the blood rise to my face and with a blush I said, "She wants grandkids." "Doesn’t your brother have children?" "Yes, two, but it isn’t the same for her, they are 3000 miles away." "I gotcha." He got up and took my hand and led me back to the kitchen. "You two were back there a long time," my mom said. I deflected her inquiries with a question about my brother. "How’s Tad?" "Your brother is fine, and the kids are fine, but he is worried about you. He still wants to come and see you. You need to call him." "I know, I will. Did you tell him I am much better?" "Yes, but I know he would believe it more coming from you." I kissed my mom on the cheek, "OK, mom, I will call him on my cell phone on the way back to the city." "You heading back now?" my mom asked, knowing what I was going to tell her and not wanting to hear it. "Yes, I’m afraid we have to head back. Lots to do Monday morning and I need to rest," I answered her firmly, but gently. "I hope someone is staying with you. I can’t bear to think of you all alone there with that nut still on the loose." "She is in good hands, Mother Greig. I am personally taking charge of her protection." "Good," she said giving him a hug. "You know, Jan, he is a good man..." "I know, mom." And I kissed her on the cheek cutting off her next remark. "I will call you when I get home." She handed me a large bag full of containers of food. "You will need more in the house if you have two to feed." I wondered if she suspected it was Muff who had been staying with me. I know it wouldn’t have set too well, but on the other hand, she had taken a shine to him. After all, he met her major qualifications, he was alive and single. I guess it didn’t hurt that he was charming and good looking as well. I shook my head a little thinking about this as we got in the car. On the way back to the city I called my brother Tad. He was still very concerned, but knowing that my mother was fine with the arrangements that had been made on behalf of my safety went a long way in convincing him I would be OK. Muff even talked to him a bit to reassure him. Tad said he would try to get some time off soon and bring the whole family east for a visit. It had been almost a year since my mother had seen her babies and he knew that his presence was long overdue. It is amazing how a crisis in a family helps to remind us of how important we all are to each other. Muff said very little to me about the visit, except to say my mother seemed really nice and was a great cook. To prove it, he helped himself to some of the leftovers my mother had sent home with us when we got back to my place. I was too tired and too stuffed to think about eating anymore, so I told Muff I was going to take a full dose of pain meds and lay down. He said he would be watching some TV while I rested, and that if I felt like just calling it a night, it was OK with him. I decide that his suggestion was a good one, so I got my PJ’s on before I laid down. It turned out to be a good idea, because I didn’t wake up till the next morning. This time Muff let me put myself to bed. I was glad, but a small part of me missed him giving me that good night peck on the cheek.